Navigating Free Time

08 Navigating Free Time

Nowadays our children struggle with how to use their free time. Bein Hazmanim (summer and winter break from yeshiva) is a perfect example of this struggle—the bochurim simply don’t know how to fill it productively.

Educating for free time

To demonstrate the extent of this issue I asked my high school students if they had any hobbies, and they simply had no concept of what I was talking about! This is truly concerning because it leads to irresponsible and dangerous endeavors during stretches of free time. They simply don’t grasp the concept that when they’re not learning, there are other productive ways to spend their time.

Schools are not addressing this issue at all. As fathers, it is our responsibility to teach our children how to make productive use of their free time. We need to take the initiative during their breaks to show them the beauty in the ‘small things’ and make those moments fascinating. We should not be concerned that introducing a child to something interesting in the world will divert them from their commitment to Torah or lead them down a different path. 

An opportunity to show them the beauty in the small things of the amazing world around us can be when we take our children shopping, and on the way we stop to observe a bug on the sidewalk, exploring it together—it might take 20 minutes to get to the store [1] but it is specifically these repeated experiences that help develop within the child an awareness that there is something fascinating happening in the world. Do not fear that this will distance our children from Torah, because their connection to Torah is ultimately in our hands. If we make Torah interesting and engaging, they will internalize that.

Educating that the world is interesting, but Torah is even better!

Indeed, we must take to heart the words of the Alter of Kelm, who said: “I will speak differently than all the other teachers. They claim that Aristotle is worthless and that Torah is above that. I, however, say that Aristotle is great, but all of his wisdom is contained in one line in Shaarei Teshuva. Shaarei Teshuva is truly amazing!”

Rabbi Shlomo Wolbe was studying near a yeshiva where the dean, Rabbi Munchtke, known for being quite protective of his yeshiva, did not allow outsiders to speak. However, when a Novardok figure came to Switzerland, Rabbi Munchtke could not prevent him from speaking, as they were both from the Novardok tradition. The guest delivered a public Mussar discourse, saying: “I was at the United Nations building in Geneva, and I noticed that each nation had its own flag. It made me think that I, too, am a combination of all the different forces within me that I observe in the world. I hear the roar of the bear, I see the swiftness of the ant, and I realize that all the forces I see in creation are within me.” Rabbi Shlomo Wolbe was deeply moved by this talk and went to visit his friend, Rabbi Dovid Yaakov Cohen, who had come to Switzerland for health reasons. Rabbi Dovid Yaakov Cohen was moved to tears, crying from his longings for the teachings of Rabbi Yeruchom in the Mir and the Shmoozin of Kelm. The next day, the Novordoker guest delivered another lecture, and once again Rabbi Wolbe was deeply affected. He went to Rabbi Dovid Yaakov Cohen to discuss it, and Rabbi Dovid Yaakov Cohen told him: “Listen, you must go to the Mir to hear Shmoozin from Rabbi Yeruchom. Listening to Rabbi Yeruchom is a greater pleasure than any symphony or theater you could ever experience in your life.”

This is the point! We are teaching our children that “Yes, life is fascinating, and there is so much in the world to be interested in, but Torah is far greater!” This is an opportunity for us, as fathers, to guide our children from a young age, helping them understand how to appreciate the world around them while keeping Torah as their ultimate priority.

It should now be clear that we are not interested in the worldly subject for its own sake, but rather in what can be learned from the experience. We want our children to notice things like ‘the ant works hard,’ ‘the animal is so clean,’ and ‘they are always seeking food.’ However, we must be careful not to impose our own ‘youthful passions’ onto our children. For example, if we are deeply passionate about model airplanes and force our child into that world, or if we are enthusiastic about music and want our child to follow in our footsteps, this will be problematic, potentially leading to misguided priorities for our children. We are not trying to establish a hobby for our children! Rather we want them to appreciate that the world is interesting, without extreme sports and dangerous experiences!

This education begins at the age of 3

This process begins as early as three years old—educating the child to see that the world is full of interest and wonde,r in partnership with the parent. Often, people mistakenly believe that quality time with their children means either learning Torah or engaging in physical play. However, what we are emphasizing here is that exploring the world together, noticing and highlighting its fascinating aspects, is a high form of quality time.

A kabbalist in Bnei Brak once took his children on a trip during Bein Hazmanim, showing them the flowers and fruits, pointing out how all the names of Hashem were written on them. The children were older, and they enjoyed it—the world became interesting and meaningful to them. 

This is actually a matter of survival in today’s world. Every Bein Hazmanim, we hear of tragedies where children misuse their newfound freedom in dangerous ways. If we educate them from a young age that the physical world is full of wonder, they will learn to navigate their freedom responsibly and safely during their time off.

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[1] Editor’s Note: This concept is discussed further from a different angle in the shiur entitled: “Building connection in the family in order to educate”