Home > Lessons > Education > Chinuch 2021 – 2022 > Chinuch 2021-2022 > Dealing with the Person’s Difficulties
In other words, we have a shulchan Aruch; the Torah tells us clearly what we are obligated to do. However, we all have personal shortcomings, ways in which the deficiencies in our midos get the best of us and thwart our attempts to fulfill these obligations. Thus, says Rav Wolbe, our objective in chinuch is to train people to overcome and subdue these shortcomings, in order to properly fulfill their obligations.
Chinuch, by its very definition, refers to the development of an individual’s unique character traits, and aligning one’s personality with Torah ideals. However, specifically when dealing with Torah education, this can seem especially challenging. After all, the requirements of halacha are both precise and unyielding. Where is there room for individuality in Yiddishkeit? We all keep the same Torah; every person goes through the very same motions. We are hard-pressed to identify the area that allows for self-expression, for a personal approach.
When commenting about the topic of chinuch, Rav Wolbe ztz”l once made a surprising remark. “We are metzuva v’oseh, so everyone knows what they have to do. But we have our shortcomings. Therefore, we educate people so they should do what they must.”
In other words, we have a shulchan Aruch; the Torah tells us clearly what we are obligated to do. However, we all have personal shortcomings, ways in which the deficiencies in our midos get the best of us and thwart our attempts to fulfill these obligations. Thus, says Rav Wolbe, our objective in chinuch is to train people to overcome and subdue these shortcomings, in order to properly fulfill their obligations.
Apparently, our focus is solely on fulfilling the mitzvos, not directly on self-development. Our task remains identical, we are all meant to keep the Torah, exactly as prescribed. Under such a system, where does our individuality come into play? Only in our unique methods of failure! We all face different challenges, distinct ways that our personalities and desires clash with our responsibilities. We find ourselves as individuals, not in the important tasks that occupy us constantly, but to the extent, and the specific manner, that we fall short of those expectations.
Can we really find meaning and a sense of self-worth while wholly immersed in the negative aspects of life? Can we remain motivated, dedicating ourselves to our life’s mission, under such conditions?
The solution to this dilemma lies in an enigmatic statement in the Mesilas Yesharim. The first perek of the sefer lays out our purpose in this world: We are here to gain entrance into Olam Haba’ah, by amassing all the requisite mitzvos. Furthermore, we are mandated to pursue shleimus, to complete and perfect ourselves, thereby achieving deveikus, a deep connection to Hashem.
At this point, we hear the echo of the ideas stated earlier. Somehow, we perfect our own personalities by strict adherence to the mitzvos. However, the Mesilas Yesharim continues by acknowledging the nisyonos, the many obstacles in our path. There are various elements that tempt us and distract us from our task, and we are charged with overcoming those challenges.
The Mesilas Yesharim concludes with the following puzzling statement: l’fi ha’shiur asher kuvash es yitzro v’tavosav, v’nisrachek min hamarchikim oso mei’hatov, v’nishtadel l’daveik bo, kein yasi’geihu v’yismach bo. One will attain a level of connection to Hashem commensurate with the degree that he is successful at conquering his desires and distancing himself from problematic influences.
This seems counterintuitive. Why are we rewarded for the struggle itself? Since we are primarily occupied fulfilling the mitzvos, we should be compensated for the mitzvos we perform despite the hardships.
Our error lies in a misconception about individuality and the proper method to dealing with challenges. We think that our uniqueness lies in choosing and sticking to a specific goal. If so, our struggles are merely an unwelcome hindrance. Instead of figuring out how best to deal with them, we muster up all our grit and perseverance. We then put on our metaphorical blinders, choose the path of least resistance, and simply plow through to our goal, ignoring any difficulties and shouldering the pain along the way.
It is ironic to realize the limited scope of such concepts of individuality. A person will usually have an image in his mind of his idol, someone who has reached the epitome of success in his chosen field, who serves as his role model and inspiration. However, it is inevitable that he will fail to come close to this person’s accomplishments. Thus, his own self is only expressed to the degree that he fails to measure up to a certain external standard. How sad!
By contrast, the Mesilas Yesharim is teaching us that dealing with our shortcomings is precisely how to develop our individuality in our avodas Hashem. Everyone is indeed occupied with the same external tasks. Yet, we are bound to encounter obstacles along the way. When this happens, we should not simply ignore them and soldier on. Rather, we are meant to engage with these difficulties, viewing them as an opportunity to learn more about ourselves. True greatness lies in our willingness to admit our vulnerability, to be honest about our strengths and our shortcomings. We can then determine how best to work on our midos, to adapt our personalities to overcome the challenges.
This is the chinuch process Rav Wolbe referred to. Of course, we must develop as individuals, but this does not necessitate finding novel ways to express ourselves. We are each unique in how we deal with life’s hurdles. However, this development takes place as we attempt to fulfill our obligations properly, and keep Torah and mitzvos.
We can now appreciate the crucial role of the mechanech in this process. Ain adam ro’eh nigei atzmoi, a person cannot see his own shortcomings. It is not only uncomfortable, but almost impossible to embark on this journey alone. It is the educator, in his vantage point as an outsider, who can spot the points of weakness, and can help identify what is needed to overcome the challenges.
This idea directly follows everything we established in our previous discussions. We relate to our children with an ayin tova, identifying their positive attributes. We then need savlonus, to carry and support them in these endeavors. Here is the salient point, so easily overlooked: One only needs support when in danger of falling! After elevating them to a place of importance, we recognize that they will face obstacles, and our role is to offer support; to help them deal with the uncomfortable reality they might choose to ignore, or that they simply do not notice. We can support them where they need it most, to hold them up precisely where they might falter.
We do not accomplish this by shaming the child for these challenges, and we take care not to define him by his shortcomings. On the contrary. We pay close attention, noticing the connection to the positive. However, it is because we are so invested in allowing his greatness to develop that we do not shy away from also noticing the issues, and how it hinders his growth. We are then equipped to teach him how to control these midos, instead of having them control him. In this way, we are not simply cheering him on to some external goal. We are supporting him through his challenges, helping the individual inside him emerge and thrive.
Chinuch, by its very definition, refers to the development of an individual’s unique character traits, and aligning one’s personality with Torah ideals. However, specifically when dealing with Torah education, this can seem especially challenging. After all, the requirements of halacha are both precise and unyielding. Where is there room for individuality in Yiddishkeit? We all keep the same Torah; every person goes through the very same motions. We are hard-pressed to identify the area that allows for self-expression, for a personal approach.
When commenting about the topic of chinuch, Rav Wolbe ztz”l once made a surprising remark. “We are metzuva v’oseh, so everyone knows what they have to do. But we have our shortcomings. Therefore, we educate people so they should do what they must.”
In other words, we have a shulchan Aruch; the Torah tells us clearly what we are obligated to do. However, we all have personal shortcomings, ways in which the deficiencies in our midos get the best of us and thwart our attempts to fulfill these obligations. Thus, says Rav Wolbe, our objective in chinuch is to train people to overcome and subdue these shortcomings, in order to properly fulfill their obligations.
Apparently, our focus is solely on fulfilling the mitzvos, not directly on self-development. Our task remains identical, we are all meant to keep the Torah, exactly as prescribed. Under such a system, where does our individuality come into play? Only in our unique methods of failure! We all face different challenges, distinct ways that our personalities and desires clash with our responsibilities. We find ourselves as individuals, not in the important tasks that occupy us constantly, but to the extent, and the specific manner, that we fall short of those expectations.
Can we really find meaning and a sense of self-worth while wholly immersed in the negative aspects of life? Can we remain motivated, dedicating ourselves to our life’s mission, under such conditions?
The solution to this dilemma lies in an enigmatic statement in the Mesilas Yesharim. The first perek of the sefer lays out our purpose in this world: We are here to gain entrance into Olam Haba’ah, by amassing all the requisite mitzvos. Furthermore, we are mandated to pursue shleimus, to complete and perfect ourselves, thereby achieving deveikus, a deep connection to Hashem.
At this point, we hear the echo of the ideas stated earlier. Somehow, we perfect our own personalities by strict adherence to the mitzvos. However, the Mesilas Yesharim continues by acknowledging the nisyonos, the many obstacles in our path. There are various elements that tempt us and distract us from our task, and we are charged with overcoming those challenges.
The Mesilas Yesharim concludes with the following puzzling statement: l’fi ha’shiur asher kuvash es yitzro v’tavosav, v’nisrachek min hamarchikim oso mei’hatov, v’nishtadel l’daveik bo, kein yasi’geihu v’yismach bo. One will attain a level of connection to Hashem commensurate with the degree that he is successful at conquering his desires and distancing himself from problematic influences.
This seems counterintuitive. Why are we rewarded for the struggle itself? Since we are primarily occupied fulfilling the mitzvos, we should be compensated for the mitzvos we perform despite the hardships.
Our error lies in a misconception about individuality and the proper method to dealing with challenges. We think that our uniqueness lies in choosing and sticking to a specific goal. If so, our struggles are merely an unwelcome hindrance. Instead of figuring out how best to deal with them, we muster up all our grit and perseverance. We then put on our metaphorical blinders, choose the path of least resistance, and simply plow through to our goal, ignoring any difficulties and shouldering the pain along the way.
It is ironic to realize the limited scope of such concepts of individuality. A person will usually have an image in his mind of his idol, someone who has reached the epitome of success in his chosen field, who serves as his role model and inspiration. However, it is inevitable that he will fail to come close to this person’s accomplishments. Thus, his own self is only expressed to the degree that he fails to measure up to a certain external standard. How sad!
By contrast, the Mesilas Yesharim is teaching us that dealing with our shortcomings is precisely how to develop our individuality in our avodas Hashem. Everyone is indeed occupied with the same external tasks. Yet, we are bound to encounter obstacles along the way. When this happens, we should not simply ignore them and soldier on. Rather, we are meant to engage with these difficulties, viewing them as an opportunity to learn more about ourselves. True greatness lies in our willingness to admit our vulnerability, to be honest about our strengths and our shortcomings. We can then determine how best to work on our midos, to adapt our personalities to overcome the challenges.
This is the chinuch process Rav Wolbe referred to. Of course, we must develop as individuals, but this does not necessitate finding novel ways to express ourselves. We are each unique in how we deal with life’s hurdles. However, this development takes place as we attempt to fulfill our obligations properly, and keep Torah and mitzvos.
We can now appreciate the crucial role of the mechanech in this process. Ain adam ro’eh nigei atzmoi, a person cannot see his own shortcomings. It is not only uncomfortable, but almost impossible to embark on this journey alone. It is the educator, in his vantage point as an outsider, who can spot the points of weakness, and can help identify what is needed to overcome the challenges.
This idea directly follows everything we established in our previous discussions. We relate to our children with an ayin tova, identifying their positive attributes. We then need savlonus, to carry and support them in these endeavors. Here is the salient point, so easily overlooked: One only needs support when in danger of falling! After elevating them to a place of importance, we recognize that they will face obstacles, and our role is to offer support; to help them deal with the uncomfortable reality they might choose to ignore, or that they simply do not notice. We can support them where they need it most, to hold them up precisely where they might falter.
We do not accomplish this by shaming the child for these challenges, and we take care not to define him by his shortcomings. On the contrary. We pay close attention, noticing the connection to the positive. However, it is because we are so invested in allowing his greatness to develop that we do not shy away from also noticing the issues, and how it hinders his growth. We are then equipped to teach him how to control these midos, instead of having them control him. In this way, we are not simply cheering him on to some external goal. We are supporting him through his challenges, helping the individual inside him emerge and thrive.