Home > Lessons > Education > Chinuch 2021 – 2022 > Chinuch 2021-2022 > Ayin tova – Savlonus – Anava
This is decidedly not a healthy approach. We must develop our ayin tova, viewing ourselves and others with positivity. When we recognize the positive aspects of our personality, viewing ourselves in a favorable light, we will find ourselves well-armed to advance in our self-improvement.
We have begun the process of developing the mindset to approach people and situations anew, ready to see them from a fresh perspective. There are several midos which are crucial to aid us in this endeavor.
The Mishnah in Avos (2:11) lists many midos central to a person’s development, including ayin tova, a good eye. The Chosid Ya’avetz gives us the following explanation: We should view all creations with an ayin ha’hadur v’ha’chemla, with a pleasing and benevolent eye. We accomplish this, he writes, by focusing on the chochmah, the wisdom they each display. Let us elaborate on these concise, yet instructive, words.
Today, we are engulfed by a sea of negativity. Witty barbs are routinely exchanged, and the ability to discern possible criticisms even regarding seemingly positive events is a prized sign of intelligence. This attitude is particularly common in the field of education. We believe that to be effective educators, we must act as master diagnosticians. Therefore, for our children (or ourselves) to advance, to reach our predetermined goals, we seek to identify what is holding them back, and then push ever stronger. The outcome is that education becomes, by default, a negatively based effort. We are not where we ought to be, we are not working hard enough, we have not yet overcome our deficiencies and challenges. Even if we are prudent enough to avoid overly criticizing our children and students, we are not nearly so kind to ourselves. We can be incredibly harsh in our self-perception, engaging in constant self-castigation and always demanding more and more of ourselves.
This is decidedly not a healthy approach. We must develop our ayin tova, viewing ourselves and others with positivity. When we recognize the positive aspects of our personality, viewing ourselves in a favorable light, we will find ourselves well-armed to advance in our self-improvement.
This midah is where we must apply our new mindset. Our ayin tova gives us the ability to see positive aspects that we might have previously overlooked. When we view someone in this way, we are noticing the chochmah in them. This does not refer to wisdom or intelligence. It refers to being taken by their importance, their necessity. The child has positive aspects which are of extreme importance, of special significance to me. However, they are not necessarily traits I find in myself. I am ready to be surprised, to relate to the child or to the idea in a novel way, to use their special characteristics to help them develop in their unique way.
Therefore, the Chosid Ya’avetz adds another midah as a prerequisite for chinuch. He writes, she’yagi’ah l’ma’alos ha’anava, makir tzorech ha’devorim ba’olam. One who has humility will recognize how everything has its place in the ecosystem of Creation. The midah of anava is crucial to be able to view the world with this ayin tova. Our natural inclination is to try to impose our truth, our methods, on the person we are educating. After all, we have achieved clarity in how to attain certain goals, and we need only to “trick” the other person, to find a way to get them to do what we are convinced they need to do. We either do this by force; or, if we are somewhat wiser, by enticing them to comply. Therefore, extrinsic motivation, such as various tangible incentives, often accompany these efforts.
This approach is diametrically opposed to true chinuch, as it inherently limits our ability to develop the child. For example, let us say someone is trying to educate his child to daven. He will draw on his experience and find “the” proper way to improve one’s davening. Thus, he might instruct the child to focus on having kavana, or on finding certain sources of inspiration. Yet, despite his best efforts, he continues to meet resistance. His efforts are doomed to failure, because his own knowledge blinds him to the solution right in front of him.
Here is where one’s anava comes into play. A humble person is not convinced that his own point of view is the only right way. His humility helps him to learn new ideas about a topic, to approach tefilah from another angle. Similarly, his humility allows him to observe, to listen, to discover other traits in a person, and to see why they are necessary and useful. He is ready to be surprised, to find new, positive aspects to the child, creative ways in which he can forge a personal connection to tefilah.
It might seem that our ayin tova is directed solely towards recognizing overtly positive midos. However, when a child misbehaves, when they are stubborn, or even openly defiant, we must face reality, and relate to his personality negatively.
Au contraire. We must bear in mind the Rambam’s definition of a midah tova as the proper balance between two extremes. In other words, there are no intrinsically good or bad midos, only the right time and place to activate and apply them. The child described above has a fierce sense of independence, and the strength of character to stick with his convictions and to carry through to the end. Such a child can accomplish great things, he can literally change the world. But will he? Only if his parents do not squash him, do not demand compliance above all else. Only if they see him with their ayin tova. Only if they recognize these characteristics as strengths, and seek to teach him how to use them, to direct them properly.
We now come to another phase in our efforts. Let’s say we have attempted this work successfully, and we have discovered such a point, a new angle. Our instinct is to grab it and run with it. We can now accomplish everything we set out to do! This can be damaging to the child. In our eagerness for them to reach our goals, we can be overly forceful, and this can be detrimental to their natural development.
The importance of the following point cannot be overstated: Chinuch is not about goals, it is about growth. We are not focused on some future point, viewing our present as merely a means towards an end. Chinuch takes place in the moment, it is about nurturing a person’s natural growth.
To understand this better, let us reflect upon the patterns of growth in the natural world. A tree or a bush grows at a natural pace. This cannot be hurried along without causing serious damage to the tree. In fact, one might nurture it, water it, care for it, and see no results at all. Its leaves fall off, and all through the winter months, it seems all but dead. Yet you continue to care for it, because you know that beneath the surface, there is movement, preparation for the eventual blooming, and one day your patience will be rewarded with the delicious fruit.
And that is the key to its growth – patience. This is not the reluctant patience of gritting your teeth and painfully bearing it because you have no other choice. Only by appreciating the gradual process for what it is, realizing that the passage of time is a necessary component to the growth of the tree and its fruits, can we allow for it to grow and flourish naturally.
The same applies to the child you are nurturing. The positive aspects you have discovered will take time to develop and mature. This is an inherent part of the growing process, and it requires savlonus, true patience, to help it along. Savlonus literally means to bear a burden, and this is an apt metaphor for one’s role at this stage. Once our ayin tova identifies something as worthy of our appreciation and respect, we must bear it, and carry it above us. It is still somewhat of an unknown, it takes us out of our comfort zone. We cannot just charge ahead and attempt to work with it, to implement it immediately. In its present, fragile state, it must be dealt with cautiously.
R’ Yisroel Salanter (Ohr Yisroel 2) gives us a clearer picture of this savlonus. We sometimes become frustrated when dealing with students. The way forward is so clear to us, the solution within grasp, and yet the student refuses to comply, and will not accept our guidance. In such a case, writes R’ Yisroel, a little introspection is in order. We all act, to some degree, in the same way. We can also be foolishly obstinate in the areas where our avoda is lacking.
R’ Yisroel is revealing to us the depth of savlonus. If we recognize our own deficiencies, we will more readily hold the other person in high esteem. We will then show savlonus, willingly shouldering the burden, this midah tova, by placing it above us. This means taking the time to carry it and allow it to grow, as the child gradually develops from the inherently positive facets of his personality. We do this with our ayin tova, because we recognize its great value. And this is only possible with anava. Of course, we know our own self-worth, and we are fully aware of our many accomplishments. However, knowing something and living it are two different worlds. I can be aware of something and yet not connect to it, relate to, really feel it. Empirical knowledge does not need to dictate the way I experience my life, the emotional terms of my interpersonal relationships. I might be greater than someone else, than my child, but I do not necessarily relate to him from a perspective of elevated stature. With my ayin tova, I can notice the child’s positive attribute, and with my humility, I can relate to that quality as something above me, greater than me, as something valuable that I will willingly bear and patiently nurture.
When we pursue chinuch in this way, we are rooted in a world of positive connection. This is not simply a matter of superficial compliments and praises. It means relating to the child where he is, not where he should be, and helping him connect to the intrinsic positivity in his personality. Imagine how your child can soar if he senses that he is not only under you, always futilely attempting to match your accomplishments, but is placed above, as possessing certain wondrous positive traits worthy of your genuine admiration and support.
Let us continue our attempt to find new aspects in someone close to us, but to do so with an ayin tova, opening ourselves to the exhilarating possibility of finding surprising new vistas in their personalities.
We have begun the process of developing the mindset to approach people and situations anew, ready to see them from a fresh perspective. There are several midos which are crucial to aid us in this endeavor.
The Mishnah in Avos (2:11) lists many midos central to a person’s development, including ayin tova, a good eye. The Chosid Ya’avetz gives us the following explanation: We should view all creations with an ayin ha’hadur v’ha’chemla, with a pleasing and benevolent eye. We accomplish this, he writes, by focusing on the chochmah, the wisdom they each display. Let us elaborate on these concise, yet instructive, words.
Today, we are engulfed by a sea of negativity. Witty barbs are routinely exchanged, and the ability to discern possible criticisms even regarding seemingly positive events is a prized sign of intelligence. This attitude is particularly common in the field of education. We believe that to be effective educators, we must act as master diagnosticians. Therefore, for our children (or ourselves) to advance, to reach our predetermined goals, we seek to identify what is holding them back, and then push ever stronger. The outcome is that education becomes, by default, a negatively based effort. We are not where we ought to be, we are not working hard enough, we have not yet overcome our deficiencies and challenges. Even if we are prudent enough to avoid overly criticizing our children and students, we are not nearly so kind to ourselves. We can be incredibly harsh in our self-perception, engaging in constant self-castigation and always demanding more and more of ourselves.
This is decidedly not a healthy approach. We must develop our ayin tova, viewing ourselves and others with positivity. When we recognize the positive aspects of our personality, viewing ourselves in a favorable light, we will find ourselves well-armed to advance in our self-improvement.
This midah is where we must apply our new mindset. Our ayin tova gives us the ability to see positive aspects that we might have previously overlooked. When we view someone in this way, we are noticing the chochmah in them. This does not refer to wisdom or intelligence. It refers to being taken by their importance, their necessity. The child has positive aspects which are of extreme importance, of special significance to me. However, they are not necessarily traits I find in myself. I am ready to be surprised, to relate to the child or to the idea in a novel way, to use their special characteristics to help them develop in their unique way.
Therefore, the Chosid Ya’avetz adds another midah as a prerequisite for chinuch. He writes, she’yagi’ah l’ma’alos ha’anava, makir tzorech ha’devorim ba’olam. One who has humility will recognize how everything has its place in the ecosystem of Creation. The midah of anava is crucial to be able to view the world with this ayin tova. Our natural inclination is to try to impose our truth, our methods, on the person we are educating. After all, we have achieved clarity in how to attain certain goals, and we need only to “trick” the other person, to find a way to get them to do what we are convinced they need to do. We either do this by force; or, if we are somewhat wiser, by enticing them to comply. Therefore, extrinsic motivation, such as various tangible incentives, often accompany these efforts.
This approach is diametrically opposed to true chinuch, as it inherently limits our ability to develop the child. For example, let us say someone is trying to educate his child to daven. He will draw on his experience and find “the” proper way to improve one’s davening. Thus, he might instruct the child to focus on having kavana, or on finding certain sources of inspiration. Yet, despite his best efforts, he continues to meet resistance. His efforts are doomed to failure, because his own knowledge blinds him to the solution right in front of him.
Here is where one’s anava comes into play. A humble person is not convinced that his own point of view is the only right way. His humility helps him to learn new ideas about a topic, to approach tefilah from another angle. Similarly, his humility allows him to observe, to listen, to discover other traits in a person, and to see why they are necessary and useful. He is ready to be surprised, to find new, positive aspects to the child, creative ways in which he can forge a personal connection to tefilah.
It might seem that our ayin tova is directed solely towards recognizing overtly positive midos. However, when a child misbehaves, when they are stubborn, or even openly defiant, we must face reality, and relate to his personality negatively.
Au contraire. We must bear in mind the Rambam’s definition of a midah tova as the proper balance between two extremes. In other words, there are no intrinsically good or bad midos, only the right time and place to activate and apply them. The child described above has a fierce sense of independence, and the strength of character to stick with his convictions and to carry through to the end. Such a child can accomplish great things, he can literally change the world. But will he? Only if his parents do not squash him, do not demand compliance above all else. Only if they see him with their ayin tova. Only if they recognize these characteristics as strengths, and seek to teach him how to use them, to direct them properly.
We now come to another phase in our efforts. Let’s say we have attempted this work successfully, and we have discovered such a point, a new angle. Our instinct is to grab it and run with it. We can now accomplish everything we set out to do! This can be damaging to the child. In our eagerness for them to reach our goals, we can be overly forceful, and this can be detrimental to their natural development.
The importance of the following point cannot be overstated: Chinuch is not about goals, it is about growth. We are not focused on some future point, viewing our present as merely a means towards an end. Chinuch takes place in the moment, it is about nurturing a person’s natural growth.
To understand this better, let us reflect upon the patterns of growth in the natural world. A tree or a bush grows at a natural pace. This cannot be hurried along without causing serious damage to the tree. In fact, one might nurture it, water it, care for it, and see no results at all. Its leaves fall off, and all through the winter months, it seems all but dead. Yet you continue to care for it, because you know that beneath the surface, there is movement, preparation for the eventual blooming, and one day your patience will be rewarded with the delicious fruit.
And that is the key to its growth – patience. This is not the reluctant patience of gritting your teeth and painfully bearing it because you have no other choice. Only by appreciating the gradual process for what it is, realizing that the passage of time is a necessary component to the growth of the tree and its fruits, can we allow for it to grow and flourish naturally.
The same applies to the child you are nurturing. The positive aspects you have discovered will take time to develop and mature. This is an inherent part of the growing process, and it requires savlonus, true patience, to help it along. Savlonus literally means to bear a burden, and this is an apt metaphor for one’s role at this stage. Once our ayin tova identifies something as worthy of our appreciation and respect, we must bear it, and carry it above us. It is still somewhat of an unknown, it takes us out of our comfort zone. We cannot just charge ahead and attempt to work with it, to implement it immediately. In its present, fragile state, it must be dealt with cautiously.
R’ Yisroel Salanter (Ohr Yisroel 2) gives us a clearer picture of this savlonus. We sometimes become frustrated when dealing with students. The way forward is so clear to us, the solution within grasp, and yet the student refuses to comply, and will not accept our guidance. In such a case, writes R’ Yisroel, a little introspection is in order. We all act, to some degree, in the same way. We can also be foolishly obstinate in the areas where our avoda is lacking.
R’ Yisroel is revealing to us the depth of savlonus. If we recognize our own deficiencies, we will more readily hold the other person in high esteem. We will then show savlonus, willingly shouldering the burden, this midah tova, by placing it above us. This means taking the time to carry it and allow it to grow, as the child gradually develops from the inherently positive facets of his personality. We do this with our ayin tova, because we recognize its great value. And this is only possible with anava. Of course, we know our own self-worth, and we are fully aware of our many accomplishments. However, knowing something and living it are two different worlds. I can be aware of something and yet not connect to it, relate to, really feel it. Empirical knowledge does not need to dictate the way I experience my life, the emotional terms of my interpersonal relationships. I might be greater than someone else, than my child, but I do not necessarily relate to him from a perspective of elevated stature. With my ayin tova, I can notice the child’s positive attribute, and with my humility, I can relate to that quality as something above me, greater than me, as something valuable that I will willingly bear and patiently nurture.
When we pursue chinuch in this way, we are rooted in a world of positive connection. This is not simply a matter of superficial compliments and praises. It means relating to the child where he is, not where he should be, and helping him connect to the intrinsic positivity in his personality. Imagine how your child can soar if he senses that he is not only under you, always futilely attempting to match your accomplishments, but is placed above, as possessing certain wondrous positive traits worthy of your genuine admiration and support.
Let us continue our attempt to find new aspects in someone close to us, but to do so with an ayin tova, opening ourselves to the exhilarating possibility of finding surprising new vistas in their personalities.