Bein HaMetzarim – How to work in an uncontrollable situation

The Alter’s novel approach

There was a threat for the Talmud Torah, in Grubin to be closed down. Our normal reaction to such a threat would be to tell everyone to increase their tefillos or to increase zechuyos. This was not the response of the Alter miKelm. 

In Grubin they learnt Torah, davened and worked on their middos better than every place in the world nowadays.  Nevertheless, the Alter did not tell them to increase their learning, their davening or their zechuyos. Instead, he told everybody that they must prepare themselves for the possibility that this might end up happening.

I am going to speak about the dangerous situation that we find ourselves in, in Eretz Yisroel, and bein hazmanim which approaches us. Both require us to go away from our normal ordered lives. This often can be a very hard thing to do.

In Eretz Yisroel we don’t know what will happen. But we know something is going to happen.

I am not telling you to stop being indifferent to what is happening. You can carry on. However, if something will happen this will come to an end. I am not being pessimistic. This is the reality that we find ourselves in.

We need to measure up with the possible threat that lies before us. I am permitted to look at it like this and not just say that we must improve our tefillos and zechuyos because this is how the Alter responded and he is part of our mesorah.

How to be when there is no real order?

Bein Hazmanim is a time without order. Even if a person wants to learn a lot, at set times, this is very hard. For a bachur, it depends on his bechirah, how much he choses to learn. For an avreich, it is not dependent on his bechirah. He has children at home. The reality does not allow for this.

There is a lack of order of Bein Hazmanim. Similarly, the possible threat of danger might lead to a far larger lack of order. How are we supposed to behave in a situation of such a lack of order?

To grow from every situation

Hashem has placed in us a basic emunah that every situation that occurs to us, however bad that it may be, we are able and supposed to work and grow from it. We do not naturally want to do this though. Instead, what we want to do is, to sort out the situation in a way that we are comfortable with. We want to use our strengths to deal with the situation. Alternatively, we want to just escape from the situation. However, often Hashem puts us in new and hard situations so that we have to grow in new ways that we have never yet grown in before.

For example, if you compare a plant with a living being such as animals or humans. Whose DNA is bigger? The plants. Why? The biologists explain that when a living being is in a bad situation he just escapes. If he is too hot, too cold or lacking water, he simply goes some place else which allows him to solve the problem.

A plant on the other hand is static. It cannot move. It needs to face the problem. If the surroundings are too hot, too cold, too dry or too wet for it, it needs to draw on new resources. It needs to solve the problem by making changes within itself. There is no option of escaping.

No escaping from Hashgacha

In Tehillim 139,7/8 Dovid Hamelech says ‘to where can I go away from Your anger and to where can I escape from Your face? If I will go up to the heavens, You are there’. The face of Hashem refers to the hashgacha of Hashem. Dovid Hamelech was a living being with the ability to move and escape from danger. Why couldn’t he simply walk away from his troubles?

The hashgacha of Hashem is impossible to escape from. Dovid Hamelech was saying that, to wherever he will escape, the hashgacha of Hashem will be there too. His only option is to deal with the hashgacha and grow himself from it.

There is no option of escaping from the reality. You cannot escape from it and you cannot fight or be victorious against it. You need to measure up with it.

The common point between the danger and bein hazmanim

The correct approach to relate to situations without a clear and orderly program, is to allow yourself to be led by the reality of what is happening. This is called Emunah peshutah. A person can be very relaxed. We don’t need to make our own program so as to be able to deal with the situation. No, we must let the situation, that Hashem has placed us in, to guide us. Through this we will see what new areas we need to work on. Also, the situation has been sent to us by Hashem for us to grow from it. This itself is a relaxing thought. It might not be so easy but it means that Hashem wants us to work in these areas.

We would all prefer to not be in dangerous situations. We want to keep living life the way that we are used to and the way we like. But the new reality based on the hashgacha does not allow for this.  We suddenly need to find new resources which we might never have used in the past, so as to grow from such situations.

Similarly, bein hazmanim is a time when we do not have our regular daily programme. With children etc. the reality does not allow for a fixed programme. Here also, we need to find new resources in order to grow from these days. 

Let the children lead

If you go on a tiyul, let the children lead the tiyul. But you are the father and the one in charge? Let them lead. It will be a great tiyul.

When I used to live in Ramot we lived 35 seconds from the makolet. My wife knew that when I would go on a trip with the children to the makolet it was 20 minutes there and 20 minutes back. I let the children lead the ‘tiyul’. We looked at the ants, the lizards, the cockroaches. Where had they come out from? I spent 10 minutes letting my very little child, who could hardly walk, to jump off from the sidewalk onto the road!

Bein Hazmanim is not the time for the father to set his tochnit and then all the children need to fit into that. He must not force them into this. It’s a time for him to learn about his children. If he forces them into his program then he will not learn anything about them.

Hsahgacha pratis stories

Every Shabbos there are hashgacha pratis sheets distributed in the shuls. I do not read them. I am not against them but there is one problem with them. They tell over the stories when Hashem helped and saved people through great hashgacha pratis. However, for every one hashgacha pratis story where a person received the yeshuah, there are 2 stories where the person didn’t succeed.

When they wanted to produce a book with all the Nissim and special hashgacha which the Klausenberger Rebbe had received in his life, he told them that they could make such a book, but on one condition. On condition that together with all the events where he was saved by Hashem, they must also write double the number of stories where he was not saved.

Sometimes a person does receive hashgacha from Hashem where he is saved or helped from his bad situation. But if he is not, this does not mean that this wasn’t hasgacha. It is therefore not possible to build Emunah based on only the good outcomes.

Emunah has to be built also from the times when the hashgacha says that there will not be a yeshuah, but instead the person will need to learn how to measure up and work in the situation with its hashgacha. 

R Mottelah Pogromansky was in the Nazi camps. As the Germans were selecting who would die and who would live, R Mottelah was telling his friend nearby, that this person is supposed to stay alive by hashgacha and the person who was then selected afterwards to die, he is supposed to die according to hasgacha. At the time of the event when life and death was going on in front of R Mottelah’s face, even then he was living totally with the hashgacha. He wasn’t just saying it. He meant it.

We need to be ready to put aside our leadership. Sometimes events happen which we do not want. They happen to us and we need to listen. It is Hashem’s hashgacha. He wants us to grow like the plant. Sometimes He will help us also. But whatever happens, ‘where can I escape from Your face?’. We do not try and escape from hashgacha. We grow from hashgacha.

Whether, we are thrown into a dangerous situation or into a situation of bein hazmanim, we need to change from what we are used to doing. It is not so easy. But, these situations are sent to us from Hashem, to make us grow bigger.