Second Vaad Elul – Finding where we are Shayyich to in Avodas Hashem

The goal of this zman

The real goal of this zman is that we actually be able to do teshuva on something. Otherwise we will miss the kedusha of Yom Kippor entirely. Sure a person can fast and pray, but the kedushas hayom only brings atonement if he does teshuva. A daily parallel experience is with tefillin, a person can don them perfectly, but if he has no idea that there are parshiyos in them he doesn’t have the kedusha of tefillin. 

The difference between Mayseh Mitzvos and Teshuva

The Nefesh Hachayim in Shaar Aleph Perek 1 – 16 explains in detail that Mayseh Mitzvos have an impact on all the worlds. Rabbenu Yonah says something similar when he says that we cannot prefer one mitzvah above another because the world needs them all, each mitzvah is compared to a tree being planted in a garden. 

When it comes to teshuva as explained by the Nefesh Hachayim in Shaar Aleph Perek 17 – 20 there is no mention of teshuva changing the world, but rather the theme is the person himself being changed by the teshuva!

So we see from this that it is not teshuva unless the person changes.

If we just make a kabbalah ketana and do “more mitzvah’s” or “hold back from an aveira” then that is all we are doing. It remains in the world of “mayseh mitzvahs.” R’ Yisroel says the point of teshuva is “going away from the tza’ar which is a part of yourself, and going towards the oneg which is a part of yourself…” In other words, teshuva affects the essence of the person. R’ Yisroel says the way to do teshuva is through “Yiras Ha’onesh” that is to authentically feel personally in trouble when we do a sin. R’ Yisroel explains that when we do not do a “mayseh katan” then we are really in trouble, because it is relatively easy to do…and we aren’t doing it!

The Issue with R’ Yisroel’s Yiras Ha’onesh Approach in Our Generation

Rav Yisroel’s descriptions of Yiras Ha’onesh do make us nervous, but do not result in us taking it personally. R’ Isaac Sher already said that the Alter from Slobodka said that Yiras Ha’onesh doesn’t work to make a person change anymore. 

We have a precedent from R’ Yisroel himself to only do what works for our generation, as he specifically describes in Miktav 6 there are two things a person wants when he encounters the world:

1. To become rich immediately.
2. To take it one step at a time in finances.

The second one is practical. But in Ruchniyus both of these are practical because the first step can be done during asseres yimey teshuva. Then R’ Yisroel says that during asseres yimey teshuva a person should specifically grab onto the small and easy mayseh…in other words, R’ Yisroel himself is not telling us how to do the step one in ruchniyus, but he is only focusing for his generation on “what works!” and that is the small and easy mayseh.

More Misunderstandings of Our Generation

Our generation does not understand R’ Yisroel Salanter when he says you need a small action. Everyone thinks that in order to do teshuva they need to put forth a lot of effort. They are ignoring the results and focusing on how much effort they put in as opposed to what actually comes out of the effort.

In our generation we don’t experience how Yiras Ha’onesh puts us into the picture and develops us to change. This is why we don’t understand how changing our actions in one or two of a hundred holes in our observance is called “teshuva.”

The reality though is that teshuva means making it about “me” and that can be done even with a small action. So how do we do this for ourselves in our generation? 

We need to find where we are in the picture without Yiras Ha’onesh

We need to find where we are, without Yiras Ha’onesh coming in. We need to find an area in Avodas Hashem to which we are shayyich. Then we will find that within that area which we are strong, there is something there which we are lacking, and there we can do teshuva. (Editor’s Note: Rav Leuchter spoke out a unique mehalech in teshuva with this R’ Yisroel Salanter within an area that one is shayyich to in the 4th Elul Vaad of 5783)

How to find where we are Shayyich to in Avodas Hashem

The Chovos Ha’levavos says in Sha’ar Ha’bitachon chapter 3 at the end, that a person needs to go into a career in a field which he is shayyich to and is able to bear the challenges that come from the career. To put it in other words, this means that we have found the place we are shayyich to when we are willing to sacrifice comfort to do it. For example we are willing to skip lunch, push through when we are tired, etc.

We need to find this for ourselves in ruchniyus. Unfortunately for a yeshiva boy it is near impossible to discover this because the rigors of the yeshiva life preemptively force him to give up his comforts. For us though, let us seek out where we are shayyich in ruchniyus just as one does to find a career he is shayyich to. What areas in kedusha are we prioritizing above our other comforts? As we look at ourselves we will see that we are not willing to give up our comforts for everything in ruchniyus, but only specific areas. When we daven shemoneh esrei and our phone vibrates, do we begin to think “who was it who is reaching out to me?” and the whole shemoneh esrei is ruined, or are we able to maintain our shemoneh esrei? Each person has a different area and here is the plan once we find it:

Step one: Find the area we are shayyich to.

Step two: Find our chisaron (lacking) in that area.

Step three: Realize that this chisaron is a serious problem in our Avodas Hashem. We will find that we are willing and motivated to invest and free ourselves from this chisaron! 

Step four: We will begin to work on this realm. 

Step five: We will find a small action which makes us grow there specifically.