Who am I – the one which is needed from others

WHO AM I –  THE ONE WHO IS NEEDED BY OTHERS

We are facing these Ten Days of Teshuvah which represent the most intimate avodah you could imagine.  For there is no more intimate day than Yom Kippur where we speak about our own aveiros.  This stands in stark contrast to the very public nature of Rosh Hashanah where we declare malchus shamayim in the most global, world-encompassing manner.  Let us explore this balance – the very personal nature of Yom Kippur and how it follows on the heels of Rosh Hashanah which pertains to the whole world.  

Malchus Shamayim and Dealing with the Ra’ah

We conclude the first blessing in Shemone Esrei with references to Hashem as Melech Ozer Moshia u’Magain.  While these terms speak about Malchus Shamayim, they are, interestingly, expressions of dealing with evil.  The Borei Olam helps us contend with the evil that threatens to influence us.  Hashem is rescuing us from the very evil that seeks to put us down.  The Borei Olam is even a shield that doesn’t allow that evil to enter the picture at all.

All told, the text of the Shemone Esrei indicates that a central part of Hashem’s kingship is dealing with evil.  Let’s understand that insight on a deeper level with the words of the Ramchal (found in Da’as Tevunos (128)). 

The Ramchal explains that the world was created in such a way that each of the creatures are connected to one another.  This being the case, anything “bad” in the world stems from creatures trying to be on their own.  Evil, in other words, is rooted in being unconnected to others.  This, he writes, pertains directly to the notion of malchus (or kavod) shamayim.  Namely, in order to bring out malchus shamayim, everything has to connect.  That connectedness, we see, is the approach through which evil will be removed from the world.  

A New Look at Rabban Tzarichin Lo (i.e., Someone that the Community Needs)

With this understanding from the Da’as Tevunos, we gain an entirely new understanding of what it means to be rabban tzarichin lo, a “person who is needed by others”.  We are very familiar with this famous concept from Reb Yisrael, but we understand it in a very shallow way. Being needed by the community at-large turns over into some sort of cheap way to get through that terribly dangerous Rosh Hashanah that is causing even the fish in the water to tremble.  

When we face the great danger of that auspicious day and we look for a reason for the Borei Olam to keep us alive, we can use Reb Yisrael’s rabban tzarichin lo as some sort of crutches that will enable us to walk through the Yom Ha’Din without any problems whatsoever.  

I don’t think he intended this profound concept to be viewed in such a childish way.  Rather there is something much deeper associated with that concept.  The point of rabban tzarichin lo is that it reveals to a person where they in the eyes of kedushah.  Where are you?  You are there where you are connected to others.  That is kedusha – where you give to others.  Not that you are separate and apart just that you use your great wisdom and your vast resources to take care of all those less-competent or less-capable individuals that need your help.  

In this way, rabban tzarichin lo is the gauge of “who am you?”  You want to know who you are?  You are that person that the community needs.  You want to know where you are in terms of kedushah?  That is the point where you connect to others.  

  A very surprising self-definition indeed.  This is a very different approach than what we are used to thinking.  Rabban tzarichin lo we often (mistakenly) think Is a matter of my assessing myself on my own and then contemplating how I can give of myself and my unbelievable greatness to others.  This is wrong.  

And in terms of the Ramchal stated above, the way for us get out of the ra’ah inherit in the briah is for us to connect to others.  That’s my portion in the grand scheme of malchus shamayim – the point where I am connected to others.  This, then, is Reb Yisrael’s novel way of understanding who I am – I am the one where rabban tzarichin lo.  I am where people need me.

Now, just to clarify, I am not taking about askanos, people who are busy networking or pulling-strings on behalf of others.  An askan is not needed for his personality per se, but rather because of his knowledge of what button to press or what contact to reach out to.  That’s not rabban tzarichin lo.  Rather, the notion of rabban tzarichin lo points to something in your unique personality.  Something special about the way that you were created that is needed by others. When one identifies that facet of his persona that is needed by others – that is where the person is connected to kedusha.  More than that, it also identifies for a person, where they have to work to do teshuvah on Yom Kippur.  

This perspective also explains the age-old question of why Rosh Hashanah precedes Yom Kippur – an order which seemingly makes no sense.  But this is exactly the point.  On Rosh Hashanah, one accepts upon himself malchus shamayim and, in so doing, acknowledges that everyone needs everyone else.  One can contemplate with greater clarity, where is that particular place where I am needed by others.  And that will be of crucial importance in identifying the specific place in your life that needs to be worked on during the ten days of teshuvah and Yom Kippur.

Counter-acting the Innate Desire to Think About Oneself

Having arrived from Switzerland, I originally enrolled in an Israel Yeshiva where I lasted all of five months.  The fellow students were a group of people who carried on at all hours of the night.  They made all sorts of noise and didn’t seem to care on bit about anyone around them.  I simply couldn’t process what was going on there?

Until, that is, Reb Ben Tzion Levy explained to me that the yeshiva system essentially educates a student only to think about himself. How did I learn? How was my chesed? How was my davening?  Just I, I, I.  There’s simply no one else in the world.  Even when thinking about doing for others, the focal point was essentially self-centered – whether one did the chesed in a self-less manner or out of pride? 

Even though these assessments appear impressive and one feels that have achieved the pinnacle of refinement on account of the fact that they are making such calculations.  In reality, these are calculations of ra’ah.  Only ra’ah.  Only yourself.  No one else in the world.

Chareidi Darwinism

There was a very big genius by the name of Darwin who, of course, posited the theory of “natural selection” and “survival of the fittest.”  Yet, he also conceded that his theory would be disproven if you ever discover a creature that is there for others and not for themselves.  Such a creature – one that thinks about others – would constitute a challenge on Darwin’s theory.  Although he didn’t use these words per se, Darwin himself, perceived the world as one of ra’ah.  As a world of no kedushah.  Thus, if one were to find some point of kedushah in the world, that would disprove Darwin’s entire theory.  Again, if the whole premise is the world is based on survival of the fittest and every creature is intuitively trying to conquer their world and the one who does the best job at that survives – that is a world where everything is self-centered and me-focused.  There’s simply nothing that’s being done for anyone else.  

Turning from Darwin to our frum, chareidi circles, it’s hilarious, but we educate in exactly the same way.  We want to be big.  We want to get that “position.”  Everything is for me.  For me.  For me.  We are creating a new thing  — Charedi Darwinism.  There’s no kedusha there at all.  The current of the day is she’ifus, of aspiring to reach some lofty goal.  We want to be the gadol ha’dor or the poseik ha’dor but no one realizes that she’ifus will never produce an outlook of one who is truly needed by others.  

Why is that?  The answer is that when one aspires to be the poseik ha’dor.  What does that look like?  That essentially means that I am in a situation where I know all totally competent in every section of Shulchan Aruch to the point that it is totally clear to me.  In that situation, I will be able to answer every question from every person on every subject on the spot.  That’s why I wish to be the gadol ha’dor.  

If one were actually to think about others, one’s perspective on becoming the gadol ha’dor would shift radically.  One would contemplate an existence where you would expect to be awoken from your sleep at virtually any hour of the day or night.  You would be expected to be “on-call” for the community 24 hours a day.  You wouldn’t be able to eat a meal in peace or walk down the street in peace or daven without being disturbed.  Now, do you still wish to be the gadol ha’dor?  Now – once one considers what that means for others – it is entirely less attractive. 

So long as it is only about my ambitions.  About my knowing the entire Torah, then rabban tzarichin lo doesn’t even begin to enter the picture.

Do You Want to be Rich?

Along similar lines, if I would ask you if you want to be rich, the answer, for sure, is YES!  Again, though, no one thinks about what that reality means in terms of others.  For the wealthy person must endure a reality where there are people waiting in line outside his door to speak with him all-day and all-night.  The wealth person is privy to every heart-ache in the world – the woman and her get, the patient with the terminal illness, the devastated orphans, the wedding that must be paid for, the yeshiva that is about to close.  When one thinks about others, wealth is a recipe for having no restfulness in this world at all and a reality that creates a tremendous pressure.

Do you really want such a reality?  No.  Yet, do you want to be rich?  Yes.  Where is the disconnect?  The disconnect lies in the fact that your ambitions don’t see rabban tzarichin lo.  Your ambition only sees yourself becoming big or becoming wealthy.  Those ambitions have nothing to do with kedusha; for kedusha means that you are there for others – not just for yourself.  Kedusha emerges only when things are connected. 

The Human Anatomy Teaches Us This Lesson

The human being is composed of various limbs and organs, the central one being the heart.  The heart’s sole function is essentially to be there for others.  (Along similar lines, we find that Dovid HaMelech was referred to as the heart of Am Yisrael). What is a heart?  It takes blood and pumps it out throughout the body for seventy, eighty or a hundred years.  It’s whole essence is to work on behalf of others.

And in truth, all the aivarim work this way.  The intestines.  The lungs are giving Oxygen to the blood.  The kidneys are filtering the blood.  Every single aiver in the body is essentially works for others.  Yet, when you magically put all these organs together, a person emerges who, wonder of wonders, only thinks about himself.  It’s hilarious.  All the ingredients – the eyes, ears, nose, mouth – are busy thinking about others.   Yet, taken together, the person suddenly thinks only about himself.  

Cancer cells, by way of contrast, is that they forget to think about others and only think about themselves.  They simply take up all the available nutrition for themselves and this is what makes them so malignant.  They forgot to think about others and only think for themselves.

This is precisely what we are up against in our own avodah. We want to grow and we set about doing so in a manner that has us solely worrying about ourselves.  I want to grow.  I want to be a big man.  I want to be a poseik.  You, forgive me for saying so, are a malignant growth!  You’re only worrying about yourself.   

For sure you have heard that Am Yisrael is essentially one big body.  That’s the well-known statement from the Yerushalmi.  This body will only survive when every part is busy caring for the others. For the moment one starts to care for itself, that is when it becomes a malignant growth.  And this is a fatal flaw in our education.  For when we worry solely about ourselves one has nothing to do with kedushah.  And this is where we need to work before Rosh Hashanah.  

Building Teshuvah From This Recognition

When you realize that you are part of something above-and-beyond yourself, you will discover where you truly are and where you need to do teshuvah.  For you place is exactly where people need you.  And that place is where you have to consider what work can be done.

When I look at my life, for example, I have to consider where is the place that I am needed by other.  Now, be careful.  If the point of my rabban tzarichin lo is that I teach a class, that can be a very dangerous proposition.  For the Sefer Chasidim writes how the Borei Olam can pay off a person’s olam ha’ba by giving him people who listen to his classes.  That pleasure will essentially pay off his olam ha’ba.  So don’t think that’s the place of rabban tzarichin lo.  That would be shallow – and even dangerous.  You could lose everything with that approach. 

The point of rabban tzarichin lo is one that comes to you in a very natural way.  It fits well with the way you were created.  It’s not something totally foreign to you that requires such hard work.  Along these lines, I looked around and discovered one thing by me –  an aspect of my personal thinking process that is interested in thinking about a matter from all the sides.  That’s something quite natural to my personality.  More than that, as I approach a topic from a change in perspective, I have an inner desire to share that with others.

So even though I wrote a commentary on the Nefesh HaChaim and even though it is a good commentary, I am still seeing that it says something else in that work.  And I know that ten years down the road, I’ll see it says even something else in that same book.  This capacity to think differently is something that comes very natural to me and something I feel I can give to others.  

So this is an important part of one’s avodah in Elul.  To find that place – that obligation – that you can give to others.  It is an obligation that basically comes to you easily; yet often demands quite a bit of work.  It can drive you crazy, but not in a painful way that goes against your nature.  To identify a koach that Hashem created within you and to develop that koach such that rabban tzarichin lo.  In this endeavor, one should be careful not to go for lofty ambitions because, as discussed above, one’s pursuit of his ambition often compromises his rabban tzarichin lo.  To the contrary, one should think – in a simple fashion – what are my qualities which I could very nicely and very simply share with others

A Second Example of Identifying Natural Talents and Abilities 

When I was young and growing up in a non-frum home, I wanted to be a conductor of an orchestra.  Now, let us consider – what, exactly, does a conductor do?  A conductor listens very carefully to the music that is being played and inclines his ear to hear where this instrument is too late and another instrument is too loud.  He takes all of this into consideration and makes certain minor changes that change the whole picture of the performance.  To this day, when I listen to music it’s not just to hear a violin or cello concerto.  Rather, I listen to hear what the conductor is doing with the piece – something surprising over here or something a little bit longer over there.

Now, to a certain degree, this is what I do today – not with orchestras; but rather with people.  It’s exactly the same thing.  I hear their story and while I cannot necessarily change that story, I can attempt to change a certain emphasis.  Focus less on this component and more on another facet.  Place this idea more in the background and ratchet down the volume on this factor.  Minor changes to the story that can change the complexion of the whole thing.  The end goal being, hopefully, that the listener feels their life is more workable than they originally thought.  They are not quite as stuck as they originally imagined.  

So I find this koach and I use this koach in a manner of rabban tzarchin lo.  And while this ability does come naturally to me, it still leaves plenty of room to work.  For speaking with people about their lives is something that is a scary endeavor.  It puts me under pressure to offer proper advice .  And while it’s not particularly fancy – it’s not setting me up to become the biggest rosh hayeshiva – it does provide a means of rabban tzarichin lo.

Conclusion

Everyone has a certain koach where he is a part of the Am Yisrael and he is a part of that malchus shamayim.  An integral part of the avodah of Elul is to identify where is that location?  And the answer is where you are connected to others.  Not where you are standing on your own.  This then becomes a central part of one’s self-accounting – to go back over our lives to see where we are needed from others.  And to work on teshuvah with regards to that particular place.  In this respect one can pivot from the universal avodah of Rosh Hashanah to the particular avodah of Yom Kippur.  For your individuality and where you are needed by others is what imbeds you in the community at-large.