As bnei Torah, we are ceaselessly dedicated to spiritual growth and elevation. Yet, one of the obstacles that impedes our progress is the desire to see immediate, tangible manifestations of our avodah. This tendency leads us to center our she’ifos around grand, dramatic undertakings that yield swift and discernible results. When we feel the need to strengthen ourselves, we may gravitate toward concrete, immediate actions, such as a ta’anis dibbur or similar practices. We must, however, engage in honest self-reflection: Does such a she’ifah genuinely foster our growth, or is it merely an instantaneous response to quiet the inner voice urging us to act?
The Hidden Avodah of the Oved Hashem
The essential building of an oved Hashem takes place in his pnimiyus, as the Gra explains on the pasuk in Mishlei (2:7), “יצפן לישרים תושיה מגן להלכי תם— He hides sound wisdom for the upright, a shield for those who walk in integrity.” The Torah, he explains, “מתשת—exhausts” a person’s strength by breaking his desires and changing his habits. This transformation unfolds in the “tzfonos” of the individual—in his inner being—and is not always outwardly apparent.
The mashgiach, Rav Wolbe zt”l, taught that the she’ifah of a ben Torah’s avodah should embody the principle of “והצנע לכת עם אלוקיך— and walk discreetly with your God” (Michah 6:8). In other words, the building of one’s spiritual stature is rooted in the innermost points within—in harmony with his middos, natural inclinations, and spiritual forces. This construct progresses gradually, step by step, in a deeply personal and internal manner. Through this process, the individual strives to marshal the resources and strengths necessary for growth, and only thus can he reach true elevation.
Someone who earnestly seeks to serve Hashem must recognize that his avodah may not always be shared with others. This is not an avodah of visible, dramatic achievements that can be discussed in concrete terms—such as preparing to be tested on a masechta by heart. This avodah is internal and personal. It is a gradual process, built stage upon stage.
Consider, for example, a true oved Hashem who dedicates an entire year to cultivating menuchas hanefesh, solely to achieve kavanah in the first berachah of Shemoneh Esrei. Such avodah is not outwardly conspicuous or easily discussed. It is, rather, a deeply personal and incremental endeavor, rooted in the inner world.
Avodah in a Time of Crisis
In the challenging times we face, we confront an increasingly strong question: Why are we not bearing the burden? Why are we not actively contributing to the war effort? Indeed, we cannot shirk this responsibility. We know that the Borei Olam is addressing us directly, making demands of us. While we may not be obligated to convince those outside our community, we must answer to ourselves: What is our avodah in this time of crisis?
Building upon the principles outlined, we can gain clarity. The avodah of bnei Torah is performed b’hatznei’a leches, building level upon level in one’s pnimiyus. We are not occupied with tangible work that is immediately discernible, and we do not experience how our actions directly impact the enemy. Nevertheless, we are being challenged in this period to adapt our avodah to the reality. We are called upon to consider how we can shoulder this burden with greater resolve within our inner world. To this end, we must reflect upon the nature of a soldier’s work in battle and adapt it to ourselves — to our world of avodah.
Each Person Has His Mission
Every soldier has a specific task, which he must execute with utmost responsibility and precision. He is not tasked with overseeing the entire campaign or achieving full victory, but he is held to an uncompromising standard to fulfill his role completely, often knowing that his life depends on it. With all his strength and soul, he marshals his resources to complete his mission.
Similarly, we bnei Torah must set before ourselves a clear and unwavering demand within our inner world—a demand to be fulfilled with absolute responsibility and thoroughness, without compromise. True, this will not be a demand that we can experience tangibly like a soldier in battle, for our avodah exists in a more internal and refined world. But it must be a penetrating and fundamental demand that will cause us to marshal all the forces of our soul toward its fulfillment.
The nature of this inner demand varies for each individual, depending on his circumstances and capacities. For one, it may concern tefillah; for another, kibbud av va’eim, or other areas of avodah. Yet, it must be resolute and unyielding, urging the oved Hashem to dedicate all his spiritual resources to its realization. We must not respond to this demand hastily, seeking to be free of it quickly. Instead, we should hold it before us, examine it deeply, and gradually gather the inner forces necessary to meet it.