“ ויראה יהודה ויחשבה לזונה כי כסתה פניה”
(בראשית ל”ח ט”ו)
רש”י: כי כסתה פניה… ומדרש רבותינו כי כסתה פניה כשהיתה בבית חמיה היתה צנועה, לפיכך לא חשדה.
Rashi: “Because she covered her face… and our Rabbis expound ‘that she covered her face’: when she was in the home of her father-in-law she was modest. Therefore, he did not suspect her.”
Most people understand these words of Rashi to mean that since Tamar had dressed and behaved so modestly in her father-in-law’s house, Yehuda simply did not know what she looked like. If you read carefully, though, you will see that that is not what Rashi meant. Rashi did not write that Yehuda “did not recognize her”, but rather that he “did not suspect her.” Apparently, he knew what his daughter-in-law looked like, only that he could not associate the modest and virtuous Tamar with this woman standing at the crossroads. This was only because his previous associations with her were 100% “clean”. Due to Tamar’s great modesty, (and Yehuda’s exceptional morality,) never – not even once – did even a hint of anything unsavory cross his mind: absolutely nothing. So it was impossible for him to fathom that the woman standing before him was Tamar.
In the Iggeres Hamussar, Rav Yisroel refers to the “דמיון” – the imagination – as Man’s “terrible enemy”. The Yetzer Hara (evil inclination) works by taking minor “hints” and building upon them, at times constructing entire fantasies out of the slightest glimpse or implication. For this reason, it is prohibited to gaze at a woman’s colored clothing, even when they are only hanging to dry. (Avodah Zara 20b) The Yetzer Hara will take that “hint” and build upon it. But with Yehuda and Tamar there was nothing. And while such purity of mind might seem like too much to ask for from our lowly generation, even in relatively recent times there have been those who kept their דמיון completely in check.
Following the second World War, there lived in Paris a great man by the name of Rav Mordechai Pogremansky zt”l. During those chaotic times, many sought out his advice, even as he was still unmarried. Among these people was a certain young lady. At one point, a friend suggested this very woman to Rav Pogremansky as a potential shidduch for him. Rav Pogremansky said that it seemed like a promising suggestion, but before progressing, he must follow Chazal’s mandate that a man should see his wife before marrying. (Because otherwise a husband may find his wife off – putting after their marriage. Kiddushin 41a) “But you have already met her,” his friend protested. Rav Pogremansky replied that even though he had indeed given her advice, he had not yet seen her. He did not mean that he gave her advice blindfolded or while staring at the ceiling, but rather that when he had met her, he saw only a request for advice, not an eligible young lady.
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In truth, this level of Rav Mordechai Pogremansky may also be beyond us. But the fundamental idea is still relevant. As we mentioned above, the Yetzer Hara will take the slightest hint and build upon it an entire world. We live in a society today that is full of hints. And these hints often strike us as being quite interesting. But if we give in to our curiosity and begin to learn and explore them, we are essentially doing the work of our terrible enemy, the דמיון. In this way the Yetzer Hara “catches us” in his grip, because we ourselves create for him entire worlds. With regards to the Yetzer Hara, curiosity is treif! A person does not need to “go into” everything that crosses his mind, to contemplate, examine, research. As the pasuk says, “ולא תתורו אחרי לבבכם ואחרי עיניכם”—And do not spy after your hearts and your eyes… (במדבר טו:לט)
