לא תשא שמע שוא: אזהרה למקבל לשון הרע ולדיין שלא ישמע דברי בעל דין עד שיבוא בעל דין חברו.
“Do not accept false testimony” (Shemos 23:1)
This is a prohibition against accepting lashon hara, as well as for a dayan to hear the words of one party before the other party is present. (Rashi)
A dayan’s ruling must be pure truth according to Torah law, reached through objective halachic analysis. The Torah tells us that hearing one side without the other’s presence makes the dayan subconsciously favor the first side.
This halacha applies even if the dayan never saw either of the litigants before, and never will see them again. He has no reason at all to favor one of them over the other. So what’s the big deal if he hears one side first? He knows that’s only one side of the story.
Chazal teach us here a fascinating but frightening insight about the workings of the mind. A person’s first impression in any matter instantly becomes established fact to him. We think we’re still objective, free to weigh the two sides equally. But our initial impression is already reality to us. To change that “reality” is nearly impossible.
So too when a person hears lashon hara. He knows the report he’s hearing isn’t objective truth. But hearing it first makes him accept it unwittingly, and cast the burden of proof on anyone who later says differently.
We have to be aware of this. We know we have personal biases, but we don’t realize how much we’re biased simply due to our initial understanding.
When it comes to chinuch, everyone is a “dayan.” We think we know our child or student. Once we’ve reached our first impression, no matter what they say or do, we only see corroboration of our initial understanding. The case is already closed.
We have to actively fight this bias, and constantly try to understand the other person afresh as new facts present themselves. It’s an uphill battle, to be sure. But if we don’t try, we’re certain to stick with our first impression. And let’s be honest, our first impression is almost never completely accurate.