והיה הנער אשר אמר אליה הטי נא כדך ואשתה ואמרה שתה וגם גמליך אשקה אתה הכחת לעבדך ליצחק ובה אדע כי עשית חסד עם אדני.” (חיי שרה כ”ג י”ד)
“And it will be that the young woman to whom I say, ‘tilt your pitcher and I will drink’, and she replies, ‘drink and I will also give to your camels to drink’, she is the one that you designated for your servant Yitzchak, and thus I will know that you have performed kindness with my master.”
At the beginning of his quest, Eliezer requests Divine assistance in finding a wife for Yitzchak. He will ask every young woman that he meets at the well for water, and if one replies, “drink and I will also give to your camels to drink”, that will be a sign that Hakadosh Baruch Hu deems her a fitting wife for Yitzchak. What happened in the end? Ask ten people on the street how Rivka actually responded, and nine will tell you that when he asked her for water, she responded just as delineated by Eliezer, “drink and I will also give to your camels to drink.” But that is not completely true.
When Eliezer asked Rivka for a drink of water, she initially made no mention of the camels: “And she said, drink my master, and she hurried and lowered her pitcher to her hands and gave him to drink.” At that point she had not yet proven herself worthy of Yitzchak, and who knows, maybe she could have stopped right there. Only after Eliezer finishes drinking does she say, “I will also draw (water) for your camels until they have finished to drink.” When Eliezer made his condition, he described a situation in which a young woman offers water to him and his camels all at once, “drink, and I will also give your camels to drink.” But Rivka only offers to draw water for the camels once she has given Eliezer to drink. Why?
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There is an important lesson here. This chessed of Rivka was most definitely beyond what could have been expected of her, far past any social norms, of her times or ours; try to imagine a young girl schlepping water for a whole pack of camels! And it is clear from the narrative here that the Torah views that in a very positive light. Going “past the limits” is certainly commendable, but we should learn from Rivka: how? Rivka did not just get carried away and jump to the extreme. First, she performed the chessed that was requested of her, and no more. Afterwards, she thought about what she did, and how she could do more. And she recognized that more could be done: she could also bring water to the camels.
Let us compare Rivka’s extreme, almost excessive chessed to the similarly extreme greed of Efron at the very beginning of the Parsha. The obvious difference between them was that Rivka was exceedingly “good”, while Efron was exceedingly “bad”, but the difference lies deeper than that. Efron was carried away by his imagination and greed; he almost could not help himself. He was not pushing further, he was being pulled towards the money, losing control and asking for an obscenely large sum, even though he knew he should not be taking anything at all. Rivka did not lose control; she considered the situation, made a choice, and pushed further. That is a very “Jewish” extremism.
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Not only is extremism of the Efron “variety” undesirable, but we could not educate for it even if we wanted to; how can you educate someone to get carried away? But we can educate ourselves and others—even children—to extremism in the manner of Rivka. We can do so by accustoming ourselves and our children to this mode of thought, in which we contemplate how we could do more. For example, discuss a chessed opportunity at the Shabbos table. First, you mention all the obvious things that need to be done. For example, to call up a sick neighbor and ask her if she needs anything. (She’ll probably say no thanks.) But then ask: what more is there to be done? Maybe she would appreciate a pot of chicken soup, or maybe you could buy her vitamins or watch her kids for a few hours. This is how we learn to push further.