ובת איש כהן כי תחל לזנות את אביה היא מחללת באש תשרף: חיללה וביזתה את כבודו שאומרים עליו ארור שזו ילד ארור שזה גידל. (רש”י ויקרא כא ט).
[The adulterous daughter of a Kohen] desecrated and disgraced her father’s honor, for people say about him, “Cursed is he who begot such a daughter; cursed is he who raised such a daughter.” (Rashi, Vayikra 21:9)
Similarly, the Torah says that the נערה המאורסה, an engaged girl who committed adultery, should be taken to her father’s house and executed, as if to tell the father, “See what offspring you raised” (Rashi, Devarim 22:21). A daughter’s marital infidelity points to her father’s failed chinuch, to the extent that people curse her father for her aveira. Why is infidelity, of all aveiros, the direct product of the child’s faulty upbringing?
Faithfulness, says the Torah, is a middah one learns at home. A child’s unfaithfulness indicates that this middah wasn’t emphasized enough at home. This doesn’t mean she saw her father actively betraying anyone or shirking his responsibilities. Faithfulness is more than resisting the temptation of betrayal. Being faithful to a person, or a value, means you identify with them to the degree that betraying them is unthinkable.
Faithfulness is about connection. A husband and wife who are truly faithful have such a strong connection that they’re not the least bit tempted by anyone else. Temptation itself, even if they don’t act on it, is betrayal, for it indicates a half-hearted commitment to their relationship.
If a child’s parents are faithful to him and to their role as parents, they’re willing to sacrifice their personal advancement for his welfare. They value their connection with him so strongly that they won’t compromise it for anything. That’s how they teach their child the middah of faithfulness. He, like his parents, will never want to do anything that might compromise his connection to the people and values he holds dear.
Today, faithfulness is out of style. The culture of “freedom” reigns. Nothing restricts; nothing obligates; all options are open. We must teach our children, and ourselves, that the Torah way is the opposite: to make our relationships and values so central that any form of betrayal is utterly impossible.