As Motzaei Menuchah approaches, Ashkenazi Jewry will join in the recitation of Selichos, a takanah rooted in the obligation to prepare and return in teshuvah ahead of the impending Yom HaDin. The Chayei Adam, as cited in Mishnah Berurah (581:1), teaches that before a person comes to stand before the Melech, he must scrutinize all the blemishes of his sins and return in teshuvah upon them.
The Rambam, in Hilchos Teshuvah (3:4), describes this obligation:
“עורו ישנים משנתכם ונרדמים הקיצו מתרדמתכם וחפשו במעשיכם וחזרו בתשובה וזכרו בוראכם”
“Awaken, you sleepy ones from your sleep, and you who slumber, arise! Examine your deeds, return in teshuvah, and remember your Creator…”
In essence, we must shake off the drowsy blur of routine life, sift through our actions, and identify where and how we must correct ourselves and return to Hashem.
A closer look at the Rambam’s words reveals that after the awakening and searching through our deeds, there is an additional demand that culminates the entire avodah of teshuvah: “וזכרו בוראכם—remember your Creator.” We must understand why this specific directive encapsulates the essence of teshuvah.
The concept of “life” expresses continuity—something vibrant, fruitful, and ever-flowing, like living waters that never cease. When we find interest in something, we uncover life within it, a vitality flowing from the multitude of possibilities for action and activity. As long as that interest persists, we continue to find life in it. Similarly, zikaron (memory) reflects a dimension of life, while forgetting signifies a kind of death. Remembering something testifies to its vitality within us; forgetting, however, suggests that the thing is no longer “alive” for him.
Throughout life we strive to fulfill Torah and mitzvos, but if we are honest, we recognize that sometimes our observance can become mechanical. We perform mitzvos not because we “live” them or would choose them freely, but to meet technical requirements, by the book.
When we examine our deeds, we confront a painful truth: b’avonoseinu, we often find life and interest in pursuits that stray from, or even oppose, the ratzon of the Borei Olam. Yet, in the very mitzvos that embody His will — there, davka, we find no spark of interest or vitality. Even meticulous observance, although technically correct, can lack the chiyos—the life and interest—that should animate it.
This dynamic extends even to the mitzvah of teshuvah itself. We may refine our actions, correcting them so that they will be meticulous and technically correct, but without “remembering our Creator,” we fail to infuse them with “zikaron and chaim.” This explains why repeatedly our teshuvah often falters over time, since teshuvah in its essence is to establish new chaim (Rambam Hilchos Teshuvah 2:4). We may have changed our actions, but not our life.
Thus, the call of “וזכרו בוראכם” demands and reveals to us that in order to do teshuvah and create a new, productive chaim in ratzon Hashem, we must find life and interest in His ratzon. But how do we practically achieve this?
We must approach mitzvos with a conscious choice to choose life within ratzon Hashem, that is, an understanding that even if we presently find no interest in them, the truth is that there is chaim in His ratzon that has the power to fill our entire lives. Then, we must seek a “הרגש”—a feeling or connection—that resonates for us within that mitzvah. Through toil and effort, we develop it until we discover new chaim.
If we live solely by feelings centered on ourselves, we will gravitate only toward what
initially seems interesting, missing the true chaim of Hashem’s ratzon. But by approaching a mitzvah with unwavering emunah that it conceals complete chaim, we place the mitzvah at the center. We then search for a subtle הרגש in that mitzvah that speaks to us, and through this, we fulfill “וזכרו בוראכם,” breathing new chaim into our lives aligned with ratzon Hashem.
This avodah manifests in countless moments. Consider someone who must assist at home, even though from his perspective his chaim lies in learning. If the Borei Olam has placed this responsibility before him, he must believe that chaim of perfection lies hidden within it, even if he initially doesn’t perceive it. He must seek the point of הרגש that touches him there as well. This avodah applies both to situations where the Borei Olam arranges necessities contrary to our personal desires and to mitzvos where on the surface we find no interest. In each case, we must trust that there is chaim concealed there and seek the points of הרגש that reveal chaim in the ratzon of the Borei Olam.
