Finding a Basis of Avodah for Ahavas Yisroel

In our quest for greater understanding of chovas ha’adam b’olamo, we study seforim that teach us about the right and proper way to act, whether in the areas of bein adam l’makom or bein adam l’chaveiro. In the course of our learning, we often encounter great and noble ideas. Too often, we hasten to apply this knowledge indiscriminately, without considering the practical side of things. This results in either frustration in our constant failures, or in a lack of awareness of our true standing in avoda.

We want to do the right thing. But we cannot only think in stark, objective terms, avoiding all that is false and wrong, and actively pursuing whatever is true and good. This hinders our own efforts at genuine growth, and we limit the ability for our knowledge to permeate and influence our lives.

We must walk the fine line between our beliefs and our practices. Some ideas might be true and wonderful and oh so inspiring, but that does not necessarily mean we will manage to successfully apply them to our current reality. If we are sincerely looking to grow in our avodas Hashem, we must be discerning in which ideas to work on. Of course, first and foremost, it must be a true Torah value. Rav Wolbe ztz”l always cautioned us to make sure that our practical avoda is based on reliable Torah sources. However, we must not overlook the crucial second step of ensuring that we are attempting something practical and manageable. Our desires alone will not bring an ideal into the realm of the possible.

Bearing this important principle in mind, let us turn to a topic of great practical relevance. Everyone wants to increase their Ahavas Yisroel, their love for their fellow Yid. Yet we find ourselves falling far short of our expectations for this important mitzva. Perhaps this is precisely because we are so eager to advance in this area. We must love our friend. Yes, of course! And it should be done Ka’mocha, just as we love ourselves. Certainly, let’s do it! After all, this is a klal gadol b’Torah, of overwhelming importance. But are we taking the time to think things through carefully? Have we considered exactly what this entails, and whether we will truly manage to adopt these practices so easily? Let us turn to the sources and see. 

The Rambam (Deios, 6:3) gives two practical examples of how to fulfill this mitzva. We are obligated l’sapeir b’shvucho, to speak of another Yid’s praises, and la’chos al me’mono, to care for his possessions. Furthermore, we should do this in the same manner that we care about our own belongings and our own honor.

If you feel ready to tackle these tasks, kudos to you, and good luck with that. But experience has shown that this is far from simple. Why? Because these obligations clash with some of our most basic yetzarim.

Go ahead and try it. Begin to extoll someone’s praises, list their virtues and accomplishments, and pay careful attention to what feelings this evokes within you. Usually, we just can’t let it go at that, and we feel an inexplicable urge to add on that little, “but on the other hand…”. Perhaps we are jealous, and do not want to concede superiority to another. Maybe we are concerned with our own image, because such one-dimensional perception comes across as extreme naivete. An intelligent person would surely perceive the negative aspects of this person’s profile, as well!

Similarly, our egotism demands that we care for ourselves before turning our attention to others. We are not quite prepared to equate another person’s needs with our own.

How can we tackle such ingrained biases? Usually, we try to reinforce our appreciation for the idea we are striving for. We might review Chazal’s lesson on how one part of the body is not jealous of the other. We believe whole-heartedly that we are all one, so surely we should begrudge another Yid all the positivity in the world.

A beautiful sentiment, to be sure. And yes, it is obviously true. But it just does not do the trick, for the simple reason that we still come up against the very same yetzarim! I do not want to sing his praises! I do not want to make a priority of his belongings! The most inspiring and valuable words remain just that – words, and your sincere belief will not empower them to make a lasting impression on your behavior.

We need to adjust our mindset. If we want to work on our Ahavas Yisroel, we must find an obligation that we can relate to, where we can more easily mesh our lifestyle with our desired values.

Let us turn to another source about this mitzva. Rabbeinu Yonah (Mishlei 22:11) offers a different working definition of Ahavas Yisroel. He says that we are obligated to love another Yid for one of two reasons. It could be mipnei she’rabu tovoisuv alav, because we feel indebted for whatever benefit we gained from him. Alternately, m’tzad ma’alosav, because he possesses good qualities, and one should feel obligated le’ehov yerei elokim anshei emes, to love people with positive traits, such as people with yiras shamayaim.

This task is easier, because we have a practical path to creating the background for this ahava: focusing on the other Yid’s positive traits and gaining awareness of how we might have benefited from him. We can then reasonably expect of ourselves to develop a greater love for him.

However, if we happen to benefit greatly from a certain individual, or if we happen to admire him, this is not Ahavas Yisroel. The mitzva is to love him because he is a Yid, and so we must develop this appreciation for every single Yid.

What positive trait can I ascribe to every single Yid? Simply the fact that he is a fellow Yid! Let us draw an analogy from the world of sports. When a sports fan meets up with a perfect stranger displaying his team’s colors, he feels an immediate kinship. The fellow does not need to have any proficiency at all in their field of mutual interest. His affiliation is enough to create this affinity. “This is MY team! You also follow ‘my team’? I like you!”

Similarly, we should naturally admire and love any person who has that glorious quality of being a fellow Yid. So, why don’t we? Here is where we have our work cut out for us. We need to take a good hard look in the mirror and ask ourselves: “How important is this quality to me?” To the extent that our main interest is becoming closer to Hashem and fulfilling his ratzon, we will love every other person who shares that same task.

We can apply the same process to the first method mentioned by Rabbeinu Yonah, as well. I am standing with eight other people in a shul, waiting to daven mincha. In walks a Yid, and suddenly everyone starts saying Ashrei. Why? Because he is a Yid, and he affords me the opportunity to daven with a minyan, to say kedusha. It makes no difference what type of person he is, or what his personal qualities are. He is a Yid, and he completes my minyan. I appreciate him just for that.

Here, too, I need to first appreciate the benefit I am gaining. You can only feel this love if davening with a minyan is of supreme importance to you. We need to create these basic backgrounds before we can expect to develop a real love for every single Yid.