Rosh Hashanah is the first day of the Aseres Yemei Teshuvah, concerning which Chazal (Rosh Hashanah 18a) expounded the pasuk (Yeshaya 55:6): דרשו ה’ בהמצאו קראהו בהיותו קרוב — “Seek Hashem when He may be found, call upon Him when He is near.” Yet every year these days present us with a challenge that is far from simple, as the question repeatedly gnaws at us: how, in so few days, can we accomplish something so great as teshuvah?
Moreover, does not the Ramban, commenting on the pasuk (Devarim 30:14): כי קרוב אליך הדבר מאוד בפיך ובלבבך לעשותו — “For this matter is very near to you, in your mouth and in your heart, to do it,” write regarding the mitzvah of teshuvah: “The pasuk comes to teach us that the matter is not hidden or distant from you, but very near to you, to be done at every time and in every place—and this is the meaning of ‘in your mouth and in your heart, to do it.'” How can this be? Does not reality itself seem to demonstrate otherwise?
This puzzlement stems from a certain understanding of the avodah of teshuvah—that it consists of correcting our deeds in a specific way: changing habits and patterns of behavior in which we have been set for many years. This, indeed, is a challenge that takes time, and reality does show us just how difficult—nearly impossible—it is to bring about so fundamental a change in so short a period.
The True Essence of Teshuvah
However, when we look closely at the words of Chazal, we find that the primary avodah of teshuvah is not, in fact, the correction of deeds and their flaws. As it appears in Pirkei D’Rabbi Eliezer (Perek 3): “Before the world was created, there was the Holy One, Blessed be He, and His Name alone, and it arose in His thought to create the world, and He would sketch the world before Him, but it did not endure… until He created teshuvah.” From this we learn that even before any actual wrongdoing occurred, the world already stood in need of the exalted quality of teshuvah. We must therefore understand what its true purpose is—why is it necessary even before there are any actual transgressions?
We can learn the answer from the Nefesh HaChaim, who, although in Shaar Alef he elaborates at length on the importance of our deeds and how much they accomplish in the tikkun of the world, nevertheless, when he speaks of the avodah of teshuvah in Shaar Beis (16), defines it as an avodah of tikkun ha’adam—the rectification of the person himself—with no involvement in tikkun of the world at all. From this we learn that the essential purpose of the avodah of teshuvah is a renewal of life itself and a renewed bond with the Borei Yisborach. Teshuvah recreates a person’s life anew, even before any tikkun of the world takes place.
Rosh Hashanah is the day of the renewal of life. This renewal is achieved through a change in one’s approach to life, as we find in Rashi’s comment on the words of the Gemara (Avodah Zarah 19a), אשרי מי שעושה תשובה כשהוא איש — “Fortunate is one who does teshuvah while he is still a man (ish),” where Rashi writes: “While he is a young man, in his strength—meaning, he hurries to recognize his Creator before the days of old age.” In other words, the avodah of teshuvah is not, first and foremost, about deeds and transgressions, but rather its essential focus is an inner contemplation of the kochos hanefesh—powers of the soul—within us—how we can renew and deepen our connection to the Borei Yisborach and enlist additional kochos hanefesh for avodas Hashem, even kochos we were not previously aware of, or did not think had any relevance to Him.
Untamed Strengths, Redirected
Regarding the beginning of man’s creation, it says (Iyov 11:12): “And a wild ass’s colt is born a man.” This statement is not meant merely to reassure us that even if, at the outset of life, a person acts with excessive wildness, he will eventually settle down. Rather, it reveals a profound truth about the Borei’s will in our life’s avodah. From the outset, we are created with tremendous and awesome kochos hanefesh that act wildly, purely for themselves, unattached and undirected toward avodas Hashem. From the moment we take upon ourselves the yoke of the mitzvos, our life’s avodah is to enlist and direct those very kochos toward avodas Hashem, and this is the essential avodah of teshuvah.
Indeed, it is not only the individual person who is constructed this way—the entire world was created in this manner as well. At first, the world existed for two thousand years in a state of tohu, during which there existed tremendous and lofty powers in the world capable of actually destroying the world, as we see at the very beginning of Creation, until Avraham came and began to enlist all the powers of the world for the sake of His Name. From his days began the two thousand years of Torah, and it is on account of this that he receives the reward of them all, as explained by Chazal (Avos 5:2).
A Small Kabbalah, A New Life
Understanding the avodah of teshuvah in this way does not demand a change in deed in order to be included among those who “do teshuvah.” And although, certainly, it remains incumbent upon us to correct our deeds, the primary avodah of teshuvah is the renewal of the connection of our inner kochos hanefesh to avodas Hashem—and this avodah, despite its loftiness and importance, is very near to us and can be accomplished readily and in a short time. Through a small kabbalah, such as helping a fellow Jew, or any kabbalah at all, we can encounter additional kochos hanefesh that we must enlist for this purpose— kochos we did not think had any relevance to the service of Hashem—and thereby discover a new taste in life.
The main reason we fail to change habits and patterns of behavior is precisely because we invest the bulk of our resources in correcting the deed itself, while what actually causes us to act in these ways is our very perception of life and our awareness of our own kochos hanefesh. As long as that perception does not change, we remain like dogs returning to their vomit, and no change of deed will help. But if our very perception of life changes, and we succeed in enlisting and directing disconnected kochos hanefesh that until now were not directed toward avodas Hashem, then we have truly renewed our lives and our connection with the Borei Yisborach—and even if the deed itself has not yet been corrected, we are already included among those who “do teshuvah.”
Renewal at the Root
We can now find new meaning in the tefillah of Zichronos: אתה זוכר מעשה עולם מעשה איש ופקודתו ויצרי מעללי איש, אשרי איש שלא ישכחך — “You remember the deeds of the world, and the actions of each individual, and his assignment, and the urges of a man’s designs —fortunate is the man who does not forget You.” For a person’s kochos hanefesh have been embedded within him since the creation of the world, and our task is to direct and channel them towards avodas Hashem. Yet the יצרי מעללי איש— the urges of a man’s designs—cause those very kochos to act for themselves alone, rather than serving him in avodas Hashem. This is why we say, “Fortunate is the man who does not forget You”—fortunate is one whose kochos hanefesh remain directed, at every moment, toward avodas Hashem.
It is no coincidence that the Aseres Yemei Teshuvah begin on the day of the renewal of the entire Creation, for the first recognition with which the approaching days of teshuvah must open is the understanding that we must create a new life and a renewed bond with the Borei Yisborach—and this can be accomplished through the avodah of teshuvah, which recreates a person’s life anew.