The days of bein hazmanim present us with a wonderful chinuch challenge. During these days, families spend extended time together, stepping away from the usual routine. While this time is often pleasant, it inevitably brings a host of diverse questions and conflicts: What is proper and fitting behavior? What falls within acceptable boundaries, and what crosses them?
To address these questions, we must first reflect on the essence of bein hazmanim—what is its purpose, and what desirable benefits should we seek to derive from it?
Every individual is endowed with unique and lofty kochos hanefesh—powers of the soul—capable of forging a connection to kedushah. The primary avodah of a person is to direct and use these kochos to achieve avodas Hashem and kirvas Hashem. In our regular routine, we recognize certain distinct kochos with which we are blessed, and we strive to elevate ourselves through them.
Yet, the relentless pace of daily life often prevents us from uncovering deeper, hidden kochos hanefesh. To reveal these, we need moments of relaxation and rest. Bein hazmanim, therefore, provides a precious opportunity to discover these new and diverse kochos.
The true measure of these kochos hanefesh lies in whether they can be channeled and harnessed in the future for spiritual growth or not. In truth, many traits have the potential to evolve into higher spiritual qualities—attributes such as כוח הציור—the capacity for vivid visualization, perseverance in games, decisiveness, orderliness, and other positive characteristics.
When a person uncovers such qualities during bein hazmanim, they can later be directed toward a higher purpose, connecting him to kedushah. However, there are certain impulses and attractions—particularly those driven by thrill-seeking—that have no connection to avodas Hashem. Worse, chalilah, they may even foster kochos that lead one astray. We must guard ourselves carefully against such influences.
During bein hazmanim, parents often grapple with how to provide their children with a vacation that is both enjoyable and constructive—one that rejuvenates their strength and renews their youthful spirit for the upcoming zman l’tovah. A recurring question in many homes is the issue of excitement and thrills: What is permissible and appropriate, and what should be avoided?
Some may believe, for various reasons, that parents should permit anything presented in a “kosher” framework. Thus, even rather frightening extreme attractions come under consideration if they are managed in a chareidi environment under proper supervision. But we must ask: Is this truly appropriate from a chinuch perspective?
In light of what we’ve said above, we must carefully evaluate: Can a ko’ach hanefesh that is capable of experiencing such paralyzing fear, or of releasing adrenaline in such an excessive manner, genuinely advance us in our avodah? Can such experiences have any connection to kedushah?
Upon reflection, it becomes clear that kochos hanefesh that are aroused through experiences of this type not only fail to serve avodas Hashem
but may even cultivate middos that oppose it, rachmana litzlan.
Bein hazmanim is not a time for indulging unchecked desires or losing restraint. Encounters with paralyzing fear or sensory overload do not refine a person’s middos. On the contrary, they coarsen and dull the delicate sensitivity a person should cultivate; every exposure or experience with them only distances a person from tikkun hamiddos.
Indeed, bein hazmanim calls for rest and a break from routine—a time to explore new and interesting activities. It is an opportunity for us to develop kochos that can serve a higher purpose in the future. Yet, we must remain vigilant, steering clear of actions and impulses that only distance us from Hashem, offering no path to draw closer to Him afterward.