“ויזד יעקב נזיד ויבא עשו מן השדה והוא עיף.”
רש”י: “והוא עיף. ברציחה, כמה דתימא כי עיפה נפשי להורגים (ירמיה ד לא).”
Rashi: And he was weary. From murder, as it is said ‘for my soul is weary from murderers
It had indeed been a strenuous day for Esav. His grandfather had passed away, and he had stolen, murdered, and partook in giluy arayos. (Medrash Raba; see also Bava Basra 16) Still, he was weary only from killing. He possessed the physical and emotional stamina to weather all the other traumas of the day; but not murder. Why is specifically murder which brings weariness? How is it different from other aveiros?
The word “עיף” has a connotation of being lacking and wanting. Therefore, Esav asks here for food “כי עיף אנכי” — for I am weary. Similarly, we find in Tehillim (ch. 143) “נפשי כארץ עיפה לך סלה” — My soul is like the land, thirsty for you always, meaning that “עיף” denotes a lack or emptiness which arouses a desire. (See also Moed Katan 2a)
As opposed to one who engages in giluy arayos or theft, the murderer receives nothing. Even more so, murder is an absolutely destructive action. There is nothing more destructive than to take the most astonishing, sublime force which exists in our world and leave in its place an unfilled void. This emptiness exists of course for the victim and those close to him, which is the context of the pasuk quoted by Rashi, “for my soul is weary from murderers.” But we see from the words of Rashi that the murderer too, having created such a void, is enveloped by that same emptiness. This was the weariness of Esav: the weariness which overtakes a person who chooses a life of nothingness, leaving him desperate for any fulfillment. “הלעיטני נא מן האדם האדם הזה כי עיף אנכי”- Pour down my throat some of this red red stuff, for I am weary.
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The Alter of Kelm would say that “עייפות” comes from middos ra’os. And indeed, he himself never seemed weary. He slept some two hours a day, but even at 3:00 AM, you would find the Alter fresh and full of vigor.
Living with middos ra’os is exhausting. The person is constantly struggling with himself, trying to remain in control and keep his middos in check. For someone with the middah of anger, for example, controlling himself over the course of a day is akin to running an obstacle course. He holds back a scream when his kids are running late to school, and must distract himself as he sits through traffic. When his boss gives him a hard time, he holds himself tight and forces a smile. And he might be running a marathon as well, because his day is still not over. When he finally gets home, his son needs help with his homework because he was daydreaming during class. Afterwards, his mother-in law calls to nudge him, and so on. The middah ra’ah will resurface again and again; another time anger, and another time, and another.
But as we explained, there is a different dimension to weariness. “עייפות” does not come solely from hard work; it reflects a lack and a wanting. Middos ra’os always leave the person on the verge of emptiness. One of the primary distinctions between a middah tovah and a middah ra’ah is in their inclusivity. A middah tovah is an entire world; chessed can hold gevurah, humility can hold pride. So, whatever the circumstances, the middah tovah will emerge; it always has a place. Avraham was a baal chessed, even as he battled the four kings. Middos ra’os lack that inclusive dimension; instead, they are rigid and unaccepting. As such, they are constantly frustrated, leaving the person unfulfilled. Anyone who has struggled with gaavah, for example, knows the deep dissatisfaction experienced when he does not receive the honor or attention he craves; it is a terrible, empty feeling. How fortunate we are to have the ability to work on our middos, and thus to escape a life of weariness.