עתה אם שמע תשמעו בקולי אם עתה תקבלו עליכם, יערב לכם מכאן ואילך, שכל ההתחלות קשות. (רש”י יט ה)
“And now, if you heer my voice” – if you accept it upon yourselves now, it will become sweet to you as time goes on, for all beginnings are difficult. (Rashi on Shemos 19:5, quoting the Midrash)
At first glance, this Midrash sounds like a pep talk. “It’s hard at first, but don’t give up. It’ll get easier, you’ll see.”
But this simple interpretation is problematic. Number one, it’s too simple – there must be more to Chazal’s words than that. Number two, a pep talk is good for a short-term challenge like a ball game. But for long-term endeavors in Avodas Hashem, you can’t just brush aside the difficulty, hoping it will get better later. Plus, is it true that we’re only obligated in Avodas Hashem if it will be sweet and smooth down the line?
But if we look deeper, we’ll see that e Chazal are teaching us that in Avodas Hashem, only a true “beginning” can bring about actual personal development. In other words, true Avodah requires a proper beginning.
But what is a true beginning?
We tend to gravitate toward areas in Avodah where we feel instant connection and fulfillment. We seek out new projects in the areas where we’ve already experienced those feelings, and do our best to revive those same feelings in a new beginning within that familiar arena. For example, we enjoy a new cycle of Yomim Tovim or starting a new Masechta, areas where we’ve already experienced spiritual fulfillment, and we try to relive those feelings once more.
But this Midrash tells us that these kinds of beginnings aren’t true beginnings. These endeavors are sweet and exciting at first, then they grow difficult and wearn when our initial excitement wears off. That’s the exact opposite of the beginning Chazal speak about. Chazal say a beginning is difficult at first, then grows sweet as we go on. The type of beginning that sparks real change is one that’s foreign and difficult, not sweet and familiar.
A true beginning in Avodah means entering a world that’s totally alien to us, a world that doesn’t offer us any immediate feeling of connection and affinity. That’s a beginning that’s really difficult. When we experience difficulty like that, it’s a sign that we’ve truly begun to work. In Avodah, if the beginning isn’t hard, you have yet to begin.
Sometimes we try to work on ourselves in a certain area and don’t feel any personal resonance. We quickly decide that this area of Avodah isn’t for us. No! That means we’re ready to begin real Avodah! The beginning must be difficult, because true personal change means entering a new and unfamiliar world.
Avodas Hashem means leaving our comfort zone and entering a new, more elevated world. That’s why the beginning is so difficult. But if we enter that new world and work on ourselves, we’ll find that new world really fits us after all. It will be sweet, and we’ll enjoy living there. But first we have to leave our comfort zone behind.
If you stick to your comfort zone, you never change. The Torah wants us to grow and develop. The only way to do that is to take that difficult plunge and enter a new world. If we do that, we’ll experience the true sweetness of reaching a higher spiritual level. All true beginnings are difficult, but in the end, it’s sweet.