אין זכר כשם טוב
There is no remembrance such as a ‘good name’. It is basic human nature to want to leave a ‘remembrance’, a mark on the world. This is not a matter of chessed or pride; it is simply a basic human desire. Every person wants that in some way, the world should be different because of him. For the layman who devotes much of his day to worldly activity, this desire finds expression quite naturally. But for those who continue learning full-time well after marriage, there exists a great deal of awkwardness around this point, because the mark is not so easily seen.
Rav Yechatzkel Sarna zt”l commented that when an avreich presents to him a sefer he authored, typically only about 20% of the sefer is worthwhile, while the rest is of little value. Why not, he asked, advise the avreich to trim down the sefer by 80%? Because then he would take out the good parts as well. There is an important lesson here. People think that they will leave their mark on the world through the truly “groundbreaking stuff”—the chiddush so flabbergasting that even Moshe Rabbeinu himself didn’t think of. But at the end of the day, those things are not what last. What lasts is a שם טוב—a good name. A ‘name’ is how others relate to you, so a ‘good name’ means that people recognize that what you are doing is good. Klal Yisroel has a ‘good nose’; they know what is good. The crazy ideas that you think up will not leave a lasting impression, but rather ideas that others can accept as being good.
There is a Rav here in Eretz Yisroel who attracted a considerable following some 30 years ago. But he was very extreme. He was always doing or saying things that seemed wild or didn’t make sense. Now there is nothing left from him; he is completely irrelevant. All that craziness left no זכר.
Now, as Rav Yechatzkel Sarna said, 80% will be off; there will be mistakes. But we have to make those mistakes in order that we should have that 20%. You work and work until people recognize that it’s good. Rav Yisroel zt”l engaged in many different endeavors, and many of them were not at all successful. But he kept working until he reached a point where his work was perceived as good.
אין רווח כעשיית המצוות
There is no profit such as the performance of a mitzvah. We can explain the words of the Rokeach as referring to reward in the Next World. That reward is so great, that it does not even seem connected to acts the person performed to deserve it. It is beyond understanding. Thus, we find that the Torah commands us to bring young children to the הקהל ceremony in order to “bestow reward upon those that bring them”. At first glance, that seem to be a foreign idea, that the Torah should command us to trouble ourselves solely in order to receive reward. In Judaism, pain on its own, devoid of any context, holds no value. Otherwise, the Torah could had just as well commanded us to put rocks in our suitcases on the trip to Yerushalayim. The explanation is, that by bringing young children who have no understanding of the Torah reading at the Hakhel, the person is making a statement that what happens at the Hakhel is important, even when it is above one’s understanding. Thus, the person receives ‘reward’, because reward is also above his understanding.
But we can also understand these words of the Rokeach as referring to profit in this world. I recall when I was a young avreich in the Yeshiva in Beer Yaakov, there was one zman when I participated in a small vaad led by the Mashgiach zt”l, and the vaad actually got so small that I was the only student left. But I continued working on the whatever it was that we were working on in the vaad, when suddenly, a whole new world of Avodah opened up for me in an area that was seemingly unrelated to what I had been working on. I asked the Mashgiach if I should leave what I had been working on and take up this new topic. He told me that I should continue, but added that such is the nature of mitzvos: מצוה גוררת מצוה—a mitzvah leads to another mitzvah. There is no other endeavor that offers such a “profit”, that you gain in an unrelated field. If you study physics, you will understand physics better, but not English literature. If you put in extra hours on the basketball court, you will not suddenly become a more talented pianist. But with mitzvos, all of a sudden, different areas open up. This is a second meaning of the world “ריוח”, which also implies breadth. Through kiyyum mitzvos, your world becomes broader.
אין חן כקיום התורה
There is no favor such as the performance of the Torah. “חן” emanates from the entire person. An arm has no “חן”, nor does an ear; a person has “חן”. We have to be very careful, because “חן” is related to kedusha. You recognize in the person something which is greater that the details of his personality.
“חן” has nothing to do with physical beauty, but people, even “big” people, can confuse the two, especially at the first meeting. Because they are not really familiar with the other person, and most of the facts are still unknown, there is a sense of mystery, and if the person makes a striking impression physically, that creates an illusion of “חן”. I remember one instance when a very big person was very taken with a talmid who I was familiar with personally, and forgive me for saying, possessed a rather empty personality. Even his chaburos were empty: there was no development of ideas. But he was very impressive looking. All in all, I was puzzled that this big person showed so much interest in this talmid, until after a while, I saw the big person realized he had been making a mistake. Even big people can make this mistake.
This is a big problem in the United States. I spoke to a group of educators and psychologists at the Agudah convention, and they asked me what I thought about the “shidduch crisis”. I replied, “There is no shidduch crisis, it is a חזירים (pigs) crisis—חזירים who want to get married.” They substitute “חן” for appearance to the yetzer hara. They all want a “beautiful” girl. But as Rav Meir Chadash asked, “what will you do once she gets pregnant?” Let’s be honest: are you so crazy, that you are willing to build your entire life around a low, superficial substitution for “חן”?! People are so מגושם—physical, crude—that they do not even realize there is a difference between the beauty and “חן”.
The Torah confirms that beauty can be found by gentiles: that is the parsha of the “אשת יפת תואר”—beautiful captive woman. Indeed, Chazal teach us that this halacha is aimed at the yetzer hara: “לא דברה תורה אלא כנגד יצר הרע”. So let us check the divorce rate of the most beautiful gentiles. It’s over 99%! And there is a very simple reason why. Because of their appearance, they are accepted without having to work at all on their middos, so most likely, all the ugly aspects of their personalities remain. One cannot live under the same roof as such a person. But even when I speak to bochurim, and explain all this to them, they still say that they want to marry a “beautiful” girl…
The “חן” of “קיום התורה” is when we are “taken” with the Torah. When a person is מקיים the Torah, there is something there much greater than himself. There are the His mitzvos: “אשר קדשנו במצוותיו”. The person is a part of a much greater picture, and that it is the greatest “חן”.