“ויאמר ה’ אל משה ראיתי את העם הזה והנה עם קשה עורף הוא, ועתה הניחה לי ויחר אפי בהם ואכלם ואעשה אותך לגוי גדול” (שמות ל”ב, ט’ – י’)
Whereas the description of Klal Yisroel as an “עם קשה עורף” – a stiff necked people – appears here as the reason for their destruction, it is mentioned again, later in the Parsha, in a very different context:
“ויאמר אם נא מצאתי חן בעיניך ד’ ילך נא ד’ בקרבנו כי עם קשה עורף הוא וסלחת לעוננו ולחטאתנו ונחלתנו” (שמות ל”ד ט’)
There, Moshe Rabbeinu presents this very same attribute as a reason for Hakadosh Baruch Hu to “go among us” – for the Shechina to dwell amidst Klal Yisroel.(See commentary of the Ramban)
Simply put, the middah of קשה עורף can be used for both good and bad. A stiff neck denotes unwavering focus on a goal: a stiff – necked nation will not turn away from its aim. But what is their objective? If Klal Yisroel is focused on its mission as the chosen people, to reveal כבוד שמים in the world, then the middah of קשה עורף will ensure that we do not lose sight of that goal. But if the goal is an unworthy one, that same middah impedes any attempts to reevaluate and reconsider the path chosen.
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Rashi here provides us with an additional explanation of the words “קשה עורף”: “They turn the stiff part of their necks towards those who reprimand them and refuse to listen.” This is more than the focus and persistence mentioned above. A message is directed to them, yet they turn away and refuse not only to accept reprimand, but even to listen. This second aspect is found exclusively in the negative sense of קשה עורף. Rashi mentions it here as the distinguishing characteristic of קשה עורף in its destructive form, whereas קשה עורף for the good will never cause us to turn away and refuse to listen.
Even if our goal is correct and just, we should be willing to listen and learn from the messages directed towards us. This does not contradict focus and perseverance: we will not lose sight of our goal nor will we give up, because we are קשה עורף. But perhaps we could go about things differently: maybe the timing is off, or maybe there is an alternative means of accomplishing our goal.
The underlying reason for this distinction is the contrast between the narrow focus of the Yetzer Hara and the expansiveness of the Yetzer Hatov. The Yetzer Hara makes exact, rigid demands, seeking fulfillment of such and such desire, in this way, right now. And since the demand is for a specific, narrow outcome, the person turns away from those who reprimand him because there is nothing he can do – the demand is set in stone. They “refuse to listen” because there is no possibility for change. The Yetzer Hatov works differently: טוב can emerge in a myriad of ways. For example, even if I do not learn Torah be’iyun, I can still learn bekius or halacha – there is a breadth to the טוב. And this breadth enables me to listen to messages from the Borei Olam, rebbeim or friends, while remaining steadfast in my goal to become a talmid chacham.
We have to be careful. Even for a good cause, we can still be קשה עורף in the way of the yetzer hara, by focusing on a specific, narrow outcome. If I am קשה עורף to be a baal chessed, then I can still listen to messages from the Borei Olam and be guided. But if I am קשה עורף for a very specific type of chessed, say to host many guests for Shabbas meals, there is no breadth there, and so I too “refuse to listen”. I cannot hear what Hakadosh Baruch Hu wants from me. The key to קשיות עורף as a positive force in life is recognizing the breadth of טוב, thereby enabling us to listen to others and exhibit flexibility while remaining devoted to our ultimate goal.