In generations past, the avodah of teshuvah was based, quite simply, on an honest recognition of man’s shortcomings — on a recognition of the severity of the aveiros in his hand, to the point that one could no longer continue to live with them, as it is written (Yechezkel 33:10): כי פשעינו וחטאתינו עלינו ובם אנחנו נמקים ואיך נחיה — “For our transgressions and our sins are upon us, and we rot away in them; how then can we live?” This is in accordance with the words of Rav Yisrael Salanter, in Ohr Yisrael (Michtav 30), who writes that this is the basic recognition required for the doing of teshuvah.
This recognition would come to a person both through the tochachos of mussar which he would hear from his rebbeim and acquaintances, and through honest, incisive introspection and self-criticism. Indeed, the gedolei hadoros of earlier times were accustomed to cry out and to arouse their talmidim — whether in a general, public fashion, or in a personal, individual one — regarding their unfortunate state and their absolute obligation to return in teshuvah. So it was with the Chofetz Chaim in his yeshivah, and so it was with Reb Yerucham of Mir in his yeshivah, and so it was with all of them. These tochachos of mussar pierced the hearts and caused those who heard them to examine their ways and to return in teshuvah.
Why the Old Approach No Longer Suffices
Yet it would seem that in our generation — because of our many sins — this approach does not function well. Despite the astonishing abilities that people display morning and evening, working with full energy and strength, producing and innovating without pause, the public nonetheless does not have the capacity to bear rebukes and outcries — not even a person’s own inner outcry and rebuke directed at himself. Reality demonstrates that when a person is rebuked, his heart becomes sealed and he finds it difficult to accept anything at all.
Now, one of the basic foundations of avodas Hashem is the obligation to remain alert to the realities of the world and to try to act accordingly, as we observe in a general way with the Nevi’im, who would go and arouse Yisrael regarding matters that had already been stated in Toras Moshe, only they did so in a manner adapted and calibrated more precisely to the level of the people of their own generation. Accordingly, the obligation falls upon us as well to take counsel as to how we might arouse and cultivate the avodah of teshuvah in our own generation too.
Rashi’s Chiddush: Teshuvah Through Recognition, Not Only Rectification
It would seem that we find great encouragement for this avodah in the words of Rashi, who wrote regarding the statement (Avodah Zarah 19b), ” אשרי מי שעושה תשובה בעודו איש ” — “Praised is one who does teshuvah while still a young man” — as follows: “When he is a bachur in his strength, meaning he hastens to recognize his Creator before the days of old age.” From his words it would seem that the avodah of teshuvah does not pertain specifically to aveiros, and that one can be included in the category of “oseh teshuvah” even without feeling crushed by the weight of his aveiros, but rather through recognition of the Borei. We must now consider what this avodah is, and how we can perfect ourselves in it and be counted among those who “do teshuvah.”
The recognition of the Borei that belongs to a bachur in his strength consists of identifying and recognizing the Borei within the hidden kochos hanefesh that lie within us, and restoring them to the Borei by leveraging those very kochos for His avodah. This recognition comes about through an attempt to touch upon new areas we have not yet engaged with, together with personal introspection as to which kochos are demanded of us in order to work on that particular area. This need not be some large and complicated project — even in a small kabbalah, such as helping an elderly neighbor put on tefillin each day, we can discover that we are called upon to mobilize new kochos that we had not previously recognized in ourselves.
Recognizing That Our Avodah Matters
Indeed, it would seem that for the avodah of recognizing the Borei, and of restoring kochos hanefesh that had until now been disconnected from His avodah, we require yet another foundational premise, one that greatly affects a person’s self-understanding of his own kochos: namely, the recognition that we are engaged in something of immeasurable importance and loftiness.
It is well known that the attitude a person brings to something he is not obligated in differs beyond recognition from the attitude he brings to something he is obligated in. Whether in ruchniyus or in gashmiyus, when a given matter shifts from being non-obligatory to being obligatory, one’s entire feeling toward it and approach to it become far more significant and deliberate. It is specifically then that a person begins to discover and identify within himself new kochos hanefesh that had not
appeared until now, and he suddenly recognizes that different kochos are demanded of him than he had ever needed before.
Overcoming Self-Absorption to Reclaim Hidden Kochos
In order for us to truly identify our hidden kochos and restore them to His avodah, we must relate to our avodah properly — as something important and obligatory, and not, chas v’shalom, as something light and pliable, to be shaped according to our feelings and our mood. Recognizing that we are engaged in something important is a basic milestone on the path to restoring the kochos hanefesh to His avodah.
Today we tend, to a great extent, to occupy ourselves with ourselves — with how our kavanah was during tefillah, whether we learned enough consistently, or whether we found favor in the eyes of the friend we helped. This approach does not accord importance to the deed we are performing, but only to ourselves. And so, instead of dwelling on how significant and heard our tefillah was before the Borei, or on whether we truly succeeded in helping our friend and meeting his needs, we remain preoccupied the entire time with ourselves.
This tendency causes many kochos hanefesh to vanish from our sight, for such an attitude is simply not weighty enough. But if we succeed in properly valuing the deeds we perform — however small or great they may be — our thoughts will be trained upon them objectively, and in this way we will be able to recognize our Borei through the kochos hanefesh that will be revealed to us, and we will merit to be among those who do teshuvah, by restoring them to His avodah.